Okay, all right already, let's just cut through all the crap and get down to the brass tacks.
Who the hell does Professor Oak think he's fooling?
How many times now has Ash come home or rung his mother and discovered that Professor Oak 'just happens to have come around' for one reason or the other.
Pokemon 3 the Movie is PROOF POSITIVE that what we have been saying since day 1 is true.
Simply, Delia was a little tart, Oak is a sordid randy old bugger, and Ash is the fruit of his loins.
Exhibit A: A photograph that Delia keeps on her fridge, one of her as a young, innocent, fresh, un-spoiled, pure, naive girl, a younger but by no means less randy, sordid , filthy and dirty Oak......... and that dodgy guy who turns into an Entei.
Cheerished memories of happier, more carefree, childless times.
Oak would introduce Delia to "special substances" to which she became hooked and of which the Officer Jenny's were paid off to turn a blind eye. An arrangement that still stands.
But another photo exists. This one Delia does not have in her possession. A scandelous photo. One that could wind up on the cover of The National Enquirer.
A photo taken a few years after the first. Oak, and Delia and between them, the result of the night Delia forgot to take her pill.
Hit hard by the news, the young, un-wed mother-to-be turned more to her only friend in the world - crack, unaware of what effect that might have on her unborn son.
Tragically she would become addicted to the drug, causing her to forget if she had 2 sons who were Mr. Mimes.
The child was born. Could this be the downfall of Professor Oak?
A cover up and an imaginary Pokemon master father later and he still had his membership to the Freemasons.
But this liason between a respectable town professor and a choice piece of ass didn't stop there. No. By all accounts it became more ghastly as the years progressed.
Oak and Delia, burining with lust would seize every opportunity to get their son out of the house for a good hour or two, dropping him of to play with Oak's legitimate grandson Gary. Gary himself has been aware of the existance of his much younger uncle for many years.
But then, what luck, a chance to be rid of the bastard son in what all would observe as a seemingly innocent way.
Send the 10 year old boy out, on his own, to wander the countryside, to traverse the islands, to travel the land and catch animals in little red balls and, in the tradition of all good dog fights and cock fights, kill all those that stand in their way.
A simple and surprisingly effective idea.
The child out of the way, Oak and Delia could now continued with their drugged-up sex orgy rampage of Pallet Town.
But they could not keep this kid at bay forever. Sooner or later they were bound to run into him, wether he had returned home after a championship, or Delia needed to see her son so she could remember what he looked like, or when he would call on the video phone. And where Delia went, Oak just happened to be there too. Whenever the boy phoned Oak, his mother wasn't to far away. Whenever he returned home, they had to get rid of him again.
They named him Ash. And they love him very much. But only when he is not around.
The questions have always been there.
Did they just want Ash out of the way so that they could stop 'bumping' into each other and start bumping something else?
How many of her sons birthdays has Delia missed?
Do they show up to a tournament to cheer Ash on in hope he will win and then travel even more extensivly with disillsuiosn of grandeur?
Or do they show up to a tournament to cheer Ash on in hope he will lose and the travel even more extensivly with the hope of gaining more experience?
Why does Oak show such interest in Ash when his own grandson Gary is so much more successful than Ash?
Is it because at some point he might become Ash's step-dad?
maybe the stories about Ash's father being a great Pokemon trainer aren't true, maybe Ash's father isn't dead or separated from Delia?
Maybe, just maybe, Ash's Dad is alive and well and living in Pallet Town, sitting in a laboratory and doing research into Pokemon, having a secret relationship with Delia to avoid a scandal (after all, Prof. Oak is rich - he has huge amounts of land, makes million dollar bets on a whim with his Grandson and does bear a passing resemblance to Ash - and perhaps an affair with a younger woman would damage the good name of Oak?)
We long for the day when Ash comes home from some journey, walks tiredly up his stairs and pushes the door of his mother's room open to ask her a question and finds Professor Oak sitting in her bed with no shirt on, eating a piece of toast.
Why? Because we can just see Professor Oak not reacting in the slightest, just smiling and saying, "Oh, hello Ash, I just happened to be around and spilled some juice on my shirt, your mother kindly offered to clean it for me and made me some breakfast.... oh yes, and I was feeling tired so I hopped into bed."
In what may be the funniest Pokemon ever, Holiday at Aopulco where James puts on a bikini, from what we understand Ash bumps in to his mother and Professor Oak, in what has to be the worst hawaiian shirt ever, hanging out on the beach together, so what excuse does Professor Oak have for this?
Probably none in the Japanese version but we bet if it was ever literally translated to English he'd be saying, "Why hello Ash, what a pleasant surprise. I just happened to be wandering along the beach and...."
Well, you get the point. Not content with their sordid affair, Delia takes a Mr. Mime into her home. For what? To keep house while she is over at Oak Love Den? Or to join in their their basement antics?
Whichever, Mr. Mime is very, very content.
Yes Oak has even involved Ash's pokemon in his filty antics. Heracross has a skill, test on Bulbasaur, that is most useful to Oak.
And then scandal upon scandal, it becomes Oak's turn to bring another into their fray.
A young boy, an innocent, a talent artist with an unhealthy, and ultra-convenient obession with the legend of the professor.
This boy becomes his "assistant", and is (almost) never heard from again.
Others are drawn into the camp. Oak is a man of legend, of money and power. Soon fellow professor Ivy and old friend Kurt are involved whith Ash becoming a gun runner for Oak by carrying the infamous Gratuitous Sex Ball from one end of the country to another. A ball which conveniently could not be opened until it had reached it's destination.
Yes the saga of Oak, Delia and Ash's paternal origins is a story fit for George Lucas with a rating of Ralph Bakshi.
As the torid affair or Oak and Delia gathers steam and is kept well hid from Ash, one can only wonder for how long can this secret be kept?