Some of you will lose respect for me through this thread, and I am cool with that. I probably deserve it. I would just like to remind you that I didnt have to tell you guys this, and I hope that some of you gain new-found respect for me, just because I had the courage to share this with you. Here goes...
I have problems with ridiculing people, my friends in particular. In fact, I am infamous among my friends for having the rudest, most uncalled for, dry (you name it) sarcasm they have ever heard. Some of you on these forums might have noticed it, although, it doesnt have the same effect over the internet. I dont have any specific examples to give simply because I say whatever comes to my head, no matter how extreme.
In fact, just a little over a year ago two of my friends began not talking to me and I couldnt figure out why, so I asked them. They said that they were sick and tired of constantly being ridiculed by me. And you know what the really bad part is? I hadnt even noticed I was doing it until that moment. They said that they had tried countless times to tell me how hurtful I was, and to please stop, but in the end it just fed the flame. To this day I cant remember either of them asking me to stop, and that scares me even more.
I am still friends with them, but its a bit edgy. Since then, I have tried and tried and tried to stop, but it never does. In fact, this year for lent instead of giving up ice cream or cookies, I gave up 'all negative feedback.' That didnt work either, and that just lowered my self-esteem further because I was simply spitting in the face of god. It might be my way of gaining self-confidence or superiority over my friends, seeing as I have been known to have a minor case of depression. I am beginning to think that this might be a legitimate disease. Im sure they have crazier diseases than this, so is it all that far-fetched?
Im sure I'll get countless replies to this thread saying "Well just stop being mean" or "Your a dick, youll always be a dick, get used to it." However, I hope that I get a few helpful posts, a few posts that can help make me a better person, and rid me of this curse.
Please, if you have any helpful feedback whatsoever, post. Just remember that Im pouring my heart out to you guys, and negative comments (no matter how much it resembles my own) are not appreciated.