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  1. #1
    Del fuego he resurgido {Axtlár}'s Avatar
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    Parenian Novel #1: Little Fauna

    This is one of the many novels I have written, I will be posting 1 of 4 small chapters each 2 days or so, so for those who like to read, this is for you, I hope you enjoy and if you don't read then don't post anything, if you are interested and read it you are welcome to comment, thanks.

    Chapter 1: The Trial

    At the east of Vanayún... lagoon, jungle and, forest natives are masters of a very apt land in which they live in harmony; each tribe with their own corresponding territory, without the need of being living together among other tribes. The natives have long since been living in this manner and have prohibited the trespassing of other tribes into their territories. These laws caused 6 curious, adventurous infants of different tribes to bore of their way of living; playing with their own same tribes no different than any other in it, with no different ideas, no different colors, accents, etc. so then they would each exit their territories to take a walk, when thanks to pure casualty, all 6 would find themselves and would commence to know each other and their friendship and trust would grow more and more. One of them; a female, was part of a far away tribe unkown to all of them, her name was Oruba, she is not at all as she appears to be and is very unpredictable.
    Oruba: *to the infants* I am from the Salums tribe.
    Infants: Ohhhhhhh
    Tekhorii:*To Oruba* Hmmm..Yes, I have heard of your tribe before, I heard also that you are very hard workers.
    Tekhorii is the oldest of the 6, he's somewhat buffed, and round around the waist.
    Conito:*to the sky* How I long to swim!!
    As you can see, Conito loves the water; he's the best swimmer of the 6
    Licheca: *To Conito* What does THAT have to do with anything?!
    Even though she's the youngest, Licheca is a master of controversy, action and intrigue.
    Muñiña(Pronounced Moo-nyi-nya): Oh, please, don't fight...We have enough discussions with our parents and other adults.
    Muñiña is a very shy and timid infant, and unfortunately, she's blind.
    Xinté: Muñiña is right...And there's something we have do for this to end! They can't be separeated our whole lives.
    Xinté is the most valiant and occurent of the 6 infants.

    In no time at all, these infants become inseparable, they tried to abolish these laws, but with no result, the adults would ignore all talk of "law abolishment"
    Then one day, Xinté decided to escape with all of his 5 infant friends to a place where they would live all in harmony as one tribe, with no laws to follow, but the adults discovered their little plan and, shocked, prepared a court in which they would decide what to do with these "little ones"
    Judge: Order!! *hammers* order in the court!*
    For the first time in so many years, the infants saw all the tribes united at the court, but each one in each correspondent tribe seats.
    Lichecha: *murmuring to Conito* what, do we have to do this all the time for the adults to come together? *Conito snickered*
    Fiscal: All right...We have here six little ones who have ignored and broken our laws deliberatedly more than once...
    After a while, all the infants would only hear a "blah blah blaaa" coming out of the Fiscal, except for Oruba who explained the reason as to why they would run away. The infants stayed loyal to their ideas: to escape, they insisted until the judge would propose that if they wanted to go, they would have to return with proof that "out there" is a far better place than the one they live in, if they do not return with that proof, they would live forever with those laws with no whining and no escaping ever again, but if they did find proof, they would be free to go live there freely. The whole court fell silent after hearing this. The Fiscal said to the judge furiously: No! what are you doing!?
    Judge: Order! *to the Fiscal* take your seat!
    The fiscal, angry, returned to his seat, and would start to seem preoccupied.
    Judge: I give the verdict to the jury to decide the destiny of these young ones. You have one day. Court suspended! *hammering*
    The infants had happy faces because they would finally have the possibility to do something they wanted to do together, but the court had faces of compassion and grief *murmurring: But, how could that judge do that?! I wish the jury negates the proposal...*
    The families of each of the 6 infants would ask "why?" they do this and would obligate them to not do it and to stay, and would no longer permit them to see each of the infants...But the infants were different now, they were growing, and were very close to their ideals and dreams, desires and ambitions...and the parents had to accept it.
    The next day, the jury announced that the verdict was approved...The court fell silent again, then various mothers fainted. All 6 infants would say good-bye to their parents and older siblings, who gifted them an immense quantity of food and things they would need for their voyage...
    Fiscal:*To the judge* But..what if something happens to them?
    Jugde: Of course not...When they discover the truth...they will return...This will teach the stubborn a lesson.

    TO BE CONTINUED...
    Last edited by {Axtlár}; 10-07-2007 at 04:05 PM.

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  3. #2
    I GOT A JAR OF DIRT. surfinrach90's Avatar
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    Hmm.. not bad but one thing that really bugged me was the fact it's a tribe, yet there's a 'judge' and he sais 'order in the court' and he uses a hammer.

    Don't think tribe people would be doing that, I'm sure they'd have different ways of doing things but not bad none the less =]

  4. #3
    Del fuego he resurgido {Axtlár}'s Avatar
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    You are right, very good observant, but, the word hammer is what represents the real utensils used by the tribe and the court too, imagine it all jungle made, not like the courts in the cities over here. And that also goes for the judge, the judge is not a man with a white wig and black clothes, he's just a "spiritual" judge, one who judges.
    Last edited by {Axtlár}; 09-21-2007 at 10:42 AM.

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  5. #4
    Locke likes oranges Marioman's Avatar
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    Wow...sweet story man, lol i knew how to pronounce Muñiña because I'm taking spanish, it seems as though the judge either knows that there is a better world out there, or something that will make them come back in fear

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  6. #5
    Del fuego he resurgido {Axtlár}'s Avatar
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    Yeah he does know, Marioman, lol, the second chapter is ready, but I will update it tomorrow or maybe today at 5...oh and good thing you know some Spanish, dude!

    The end is near....Or is it the beginning?
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  7. #6
    Del fuego he resurgido {Axtlár}'s Avatar
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    Chapter 2: The Warning

    The 6 infants now begin their adventure into the unknown. In the way they meet members from other tribes, and as they walked into the heart of the great forest, they find a fallen and hurt native, they help him stand as they make a camp there. The native had something going through his right limb: “The beasts have done this to me…They had imprisoned me in a cell within their kingdom, and would not let me out…I did every possible move to escape…and I accomplished it…I felt I was free again, but then I felt this and fell here in this forest…Now I can’t go on.”
    Tekhorii: I will help you, friend, I am a healer..
    Oruba: I know medicine *examines the native’s right limb* Hmm…Tekhorii, go get some yellow herbs from that lake we passed.
    Tekhorii: Yes, he will also need juice from the Majiki trees, I will look for it *goes to look for them*
    Xinté: What is your name, brave survivor?
    “My name is Vatlin” *All six infants introduced themselves after Tekhorii’s arrival with the herbs and Majiki juice*
    Soon night fell and it was dark, and the infants somehow managed to make a fire and would eat plantains and fried peaches and some insects, and then as they were ready to go to sleep…
    Xinté: tell us more about those “beasts”, Vatlin.
    Vatlin: They’re huge…Ugly, they’re all the same! You get a feeling of insupportable monotony that incorporates absolute insanity; at night you cannot even sleep…! *Oruba*:Insomnia..yes I know perfectly well what you mean.* Vatlin turns head to look at her with scared face and bug eyes and continues* …They capture tribes, they hurt and torture them, I have even heard screams from some of the tortured ones that cease repentantly …*trembles* they slaughter them!
    All open eyes wide in fear, except for Conito who consoles Vatlin who now cried*
    Licheca: *stands up* I will fight them, nobody will be slaughtering my tribe! If I see one of those beasts, I will cut their heads in half with my strong feet.
    Tekhorii: that is physically impossible, in all I have lived, I have not seen this happen.
    Licheca: We will see!
    Xinté: No..If what Vatlin says is true, then we will have to be careful not to come across those beasts, so no looking for them, Licheca…
    Licheca puts fists on hips and sat down
    Vatlin: *turns and looks at Muñiña* why so quiet?
    *Muñiña knew he was talking to her after the silence*
    Muñiña: Oh..Hi… *she gets embarrassed and blushes*
    *Conito does gestures to Vatling about Muñiña being blind*
    Vatlin: what?
    *Conito repeats the gestures*
    Vatlin: *stands and screams* ahh! Someone help him, he’s got something in his eyes!
    *Everyone except Muñiña covered Vatlin’s speaking area*
    Muñiña: *in a very quiet voice* Conito, I can perceive all your movements…
    Conito: Oh I-I’m sorry
    Oruba: Leave her alone
    Muñiña turns and begins to cry silently, then she stands up and with her upper limbs extended, begins to walk and stumbles upon a tree, but kept on walking, Xinté stood with a compassionate look towards her.
    Vatlin:*Murmuring to everyone* ahhh, she can’t see? *everyone shut him up*
    Muñiña continued crying in silence as she walked until she got to her camping sleep area. Xinté entered a moment later and consoled her: “it’s not good to go to sleep crying and sad, sleep happy” he said and did funny things with his voice to make her laugh and so he did, Muñiña smiled and slept happy like all the other infants and Vatlin.

    TO BE CONTINUED...
    Last edited by {Axtlár}; 09-21-2007 at 04:21 PM.

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  8. #7
    Super Ninjarator Foxy's Avatar
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    Some things are iffy.

    One thing that bugged me is that it is half script half story...

    why do the Judge: 'hdjdfjvfhhj' Jack: 'dhhbvhbhbjhb'. ' alone would make it speech.

    'Hey, get your head back here!' screamed jack, the judge replied 'Shaddup!'/

  9. #8
    Del fuego he resurgido {Axtlár}'s Avatar
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    Yeah it is meant to be a half script/half story
    and that second part I didn't understand, could you explain? Oh I see what you're saying..well let me say that it's simply a style I used for this particular one, sorry if it bothers you, but I understand the elements of a script...it's like a play and script together.
    Last edited by {Axtlár}; 09-21-2007 at 03:59 PM.

    The end is near....Or is it the beginning?
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  10. #9
    Super Ninjarator Foxy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by {Axtlár}
    Yeah it is meant to be a half script/half story
    and that second part I didn't understand, could you explain?
    It was just an example of how a third person story should be set out, I didnt relize you wanted the script/story effect.

    However if I was you, I would of choose one of them.

  11. #10
    Del fuego he resurgido {Axtlár}'s Avatar
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    Well, yes thank you...as you get near the ending it will have other confusing stuff, so like I told you: all of this is intentional..I'll be sure to have my next novels as one: a script.

    The end is near....Or is it the beginning?
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