Opening with a definition by "Mr. Webster" has been done and done and done again. I didnt read past that line, and I'm thinking whoever you send this to won't either. Though i do have to say the way you did the definition was creative, but i think you would be better off using your creativity to create a better hook line.
1. university of Michigan
2. Already fixed before you mentioned it :P
3. Yep, working on changing the intro too.
Final essay part:
Setbacks and Resolutions
Describe a setback that you have faced. How did you resolve it? How did the outcome affect you? If something similar happened in the future, how would you react?
Surprising to me, the longest, final essay is probably, sad to say, the easiest one to come up with. At the age of 9, my mother was diagnosed with diabetes. Ever since, she's had to draw blood, test it, and administer another shot of insulin, at least 3 times a day, often more. Since she's had it all her life, it really couldn't be a “setback” for me, because I did not know any different. Life went on normally, till 5th grade. One night, my mom had a massive heart attack. While the exact reason is unknown, somehow, her diabetes caused a stroke-like blockage to the brain. In the meantime, her optical nerves were killed. While other operations can be done on the eye, there is no such thing as a nerve-transplant, especially for the optic nerve. After my mom went blind, many things happened. I had to live with my aunt for about 3 months, as my mom was recuperating in the hospital, then later, my grandparents' house. Our financial stability took a turn for the worse, as we went from two full-time incomes, to only one. My dad works in Tool and Die, which is declining in the state of Michigan as well.
Another side-effect of the heart-attack, was memory loss. It was and still is, an extremely difficult thing to learn new activities. She had to learn how to walk, brush her teeth, even eat, everything we take for granted. My dad switched to third shift, so that my mom could have someone in the house at all times in case of emergencies. My sister and I had to take up a lot of responsibilities that none of our friends had. We cooked all meals, did our own laundry, the dishes, took care of our pets, everything. At first I resented it a lot. I wanted to go to friends' houses, buy the newest video game consoles, and generally be a free kid.
In hindsight, I was lucky that that didn't happen. Thanks to my grandparents and my church, we somehow made it to the present,, and I have been made an immensely better person because of it. I learned that I should put others before myself a lot younger than normal. I sort of slowly accepted that it was part of life, and scheduled my own activities around the needs of the family. This was not a one-time-deal, it will be with me for the rest of my life, and while it is devastating that my mom is severely disabled, I think it will help me to put things into perspective greatly.
I am supposed to say how I would react to something similar happening in the future. Honestly, I'd be devastated. By it's very nature, It can't really happen again, as I am continually learning from my situation at home. If I went back in time, and my mom didn't go blind, I'm not so sure I'd like it any better. It sounds very strange to say, but the lessons in life I learned from my mom's disability was worth the extra responsibility that I was required to do, not that I'd want her to lose her sight if I had the option though.
And did you guys read essay #2 up there in a spoiler?
edit: new first paragraph to Essay #1?
When I first read the question, my mind immediately went to play the “race card”. I decided to look up what “diversity” means anyway. Going by the definition, “different in quality or character”, I decided that the most original thing about me in a college setting would be my religion, so that is what I shall focus on.
Last edited by Brawny; 10-21-2007 at 08:59 PM.