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  1. #1
    Anglophobiphile Brawny's Avatar
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    Admissions Essay.... revise?

    eh, it's late, I can't see straight anymore. I've been staring at letters all day.

    Help me with a fresh pair of eyes (although one would still be appreciated.)



    Any meaningful help gets rep.

    Spoiler Alert!


    NOte, this is still a first draft, I'm writing all three, then revising them. I'll post them as I finish them though. Thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Novocain Stain'd ssbb_lover's Avatar
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    Only problem is the grammar. I like the construction and topic. Nice draft. Please, don't give any rep to people...you're asking for a spam thread with beggars.

    Super Moderator - PM me if you have any issues.

    We Want Young Blood.


  3. #3
    Anglophobiphile Brawny's Avatar
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    See: meaningful help

  4. #4
    Bleach & Heroes fan. Byuakuya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ssbb_lover
    Only problem is the grammar. I like the construction and topic. Nice draft. Please, don't give any rep to people...you're asking for a spam thread with beggars.
    I have to agree with Ty. Apart from the grammar, it looks like a well written piece. I hope to see further revisions. Good job.

    The key to immortality is first living a life
    worth remembering. - Bruce Lee


    PSN ID: Byuakuya


  5. #5
    Anglophobiphile Brawny's Avatar
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    essay numero dos. Btw guys, you're being outdone by WL.

    Spoiler Alert!


    Note: the first paragraph is the question I have to answer.

  6. #6
    Bleach & Heroes fan. Byuakuya's Avatar
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    That was very interesting to read. The structure of the essay is well placed and it was short, sweet and to the point. I really like the way that you have ended this section with "I hope to simply continue what I already love to do: design practical solutions that solve the problem in the most efficient way possible."
    My only problem is the name of the building blocks: shouldn't they all begin with a capital? For example, "Erector" instead of "erector" (yes, I know that I am picky).
    Overall, it was a great piece, so good job.

    The key to immortality is first living a life
    worth remembering. - Bruce Lee


    PSN ID: Byuakuya


  7. #7
    Anglophobiphile Brawny's Avatar
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    Ah, thank you pras, although you're holding back. This is my future at stake . Rip it to shreddsssss!

  8. #8
    Bleach & Heroes fan. Byuakuya's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brawny
    Ah, thank you pras, although you're holding back. This is my future at stake . Rip it to shreddsssss!
    Since you are asking for it: it is the worst piece of crap that I have ever laid my eyes on.
    Seriously, I meant exactly what I said in my previous post.

    The key to immortality is first living a life
    worth remembering. - Bruce Lee


    PSN ID: Byuakuya


  9. #9
    The Crusher Sillyhat's Avatar
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    Where are you applying to with these essays?

    Currently Own:
    Hardware: Nintendo Wii, 4 Wii Remotes, 2 Nunchucks
    Games: Wii Sports, Wii Play, Super Paper Mario, Mario Party 8, Super Mario Galaxy, Guitar Hero 3


  10. #10
    Cogito Ergo Sum JAKE196's Avatar
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    take the "t" out of "okay"

    i deserve rep for that one
    Last edited by JAKE196; 10-21-2007 at 07:35 PM.
    Wii games: Super Mario Galaxy, Metroid Prime 3, Resident Evil 4, Zelda TP, SSX: Blur, Excite Truck, The Godfather, and Mario Kart Wii
    PC games: Call of Duty 4, Halo 1, UT3, F.E.A.R., and The Orange Box.
    PS3 games: Ratchet and Clank F.T.O.D., Resistance 2, Wipeout HD, and MGS4.

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