Here's one of my favorites!
There was this old man in the pub, he was sooo drunk, its absurd, he was crazy drunk. Anyway he decided to get up, when he did he fell flat on his face!
So he thought, "Oh, maybe i just need some fresh air"!
So he goes outside, stands up again, and fall face first into a ditch of mud, so he says's, "forget his, I'm gonna crawl it home"!
The next morning his wife opens the door, to find her husband outside on the door step. She said, "you've been drinking again haven't you"?
He said "yeah, how did you know"?
She said "because you left you wheelchair at the pub again"!