Conan runs around in all his manliness, ripping bad guys to shreds and saving topless slave women from a fate worse than death. Shouldn't he take the time to stop for a second and give his freed captors a little piece of the Barbarian? If Kratos can do it, so can the mighty Conan.
We obviously know that the cake is a lie, so we need something else to satisfy our desire to complete Portal. How about modifying the gun for an interesting love scene where you can come up with all kinds of crazy positions? First you're on bottom, then you warp to the top. Or hey, maybe you're in both places at once. Sound crazy? That's probably because it is.
Scarface: The World Is Yours
Tony Montana says it himself. If you get the power, you get the chicas. In Scarface: The World Is Yours, he spends so much time embracing his violent side that he doesn't stop to get himself a little action. A love scene between him and a fine woman would definitely ease some tension– and she could say hello to his little friend.
The world's going to hell. Zombies are crawling around everywhere, crazies wield guns and there's little chance for survival. So if Frank West is going to go out, he should go out happy. Take a half hour out of that seventy-two hour countdown and get him a last little dose of happiness – as long as it's not with a zombie chick. The biting alone would be lethal.
War of the Monsters
Incog's monster-brawling game already has the 50s kitsch going for it, along with destroyable cities and plenty of cheesy sci-fi cliches. So why not top that off with a weird little relationship between a glowing cyclops monster and a praying mantis? Make love, not war, remember? However, we do have to admit, we cringe when we think about what the kids would look like.
Destroy All Humans: Big Willy Unleashed
Really, the title says it all. But just think about this for a second. What better way for Crypto to infiltrate the human race than to do it with a few ladies? He can simply change into human form, go to town, reveal his true self and then promise to never call them again. Hey, with some relationships, you just have to be honest.
Tony Stark already has enough on his plate. He just built himself a piece of super-armor, armed with missiles and rocket jets for flight. He battles evil forces, enemies that are even stronger than him. He needs to cool his jets, take five and show his girlfriend just what being an Iron Man is all about. He just needs to make sure his rocket doesn't go off early.
Dead Head Fred
Poor Dead Head Fred. He's had a rough day. His body feels like he's been run over by a garbage truck and then someone went and stole his freakin' head. Maybe if he had a girl to jog his memory a little bit, loosen him up and send him on his way, he could get things moving. He could even do a Dr. Cox impression to get her in the mood, since he's voiced by Scrubs star John McGinley.
Super Mario Galaxy
Hasn't Peach been teasing Mario long enough? He's saved her more than a dozen times from the clutches of Bowser or some other evil minion and he's probably getting anxious. Super Mario Galaxy would be the ideal spot for her to reward him with some kind of loving, as she could take him where no man has gone before .
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Phoenix Wright's been through some struggles over the course of three games, working to keep his clients out of jail. He needs to drop his legal briefs and get a little contempt of court going on, either with one of his female clients or even his assistant. The words "Objection!" and "Take that!" would never be the same again.