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  1. #1
    40lb box of rape ROB64's Avatar
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    Death by Toilet Seat

    WARNING: From the University of North Florida

    An article by Dr. Beverly Clark, in the Journal of the United Medical Association (JUMA), the mystery behind a recent spate of deaths has been solved. If you haven't already heard about it in the news, here is what happened.

    Three women in North Florida, turned up at hospitals over a 5-day period, all with the same symptoms. Fever, chills, and vomiting,followed by muscular collapse, paralysis, and finally, death. There were no outward signs of trauma. Autopsy results showed toxicity in the blood. These women did not know each other, and seemed to have nothing in common. It was discovered, however, that they had all visited the same Restaurant (Olive Garden) within days of their deaths. The health department descended on the restaurant, shutting it down. The food, water,and air conditioning were all inspected and tested, to no avail.

    The big break came when a waitress at the restaurant was rushed to the hospital with similar symptoms. She told doctors that she had been on vacation, and had only went to the restaurant to pick up her check. She did not eat or drink while she was there, but had used the restroom. That is when one toxicologist, remembering an article he had read, drove out to the restaurant, went into the restroom, and lifted the toilet seat.

    Under the seat, out of normal view, was a small spider. The spider was captured and brought back to the lab, where it was determined to be the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata), so named because of its reddened flesh color. This spider's venom is extremely toxic, but can take several days to take effect. They live in cold, dark, damp climates, and toilet rims provide just the right atmosphere.

    Several days later a lawyer from Jacksonville showed up at a hospital emergency room. Before his death, he told the doctor, that he had been away on business, had taken a flight from Indonesia, changing planes in Singapore, before returning home. He did not visit (Olive Garden), while there. He did, as did all of the other victims, have what was determined to be a puncture wound, on his right buttock.

    Investigators discovered that the flight he was on had originated in India. The Civilian Aeronautics Board (CAB) ordered an immediate inspection of the toilets of all flights from India, and discovered the Two-Striped Telamonia (Telamonia dimidiata) spider's nests on 4 different planes! It is now believed that these spiders can be anywhere in the country.

    So please, before you use a public toilet, lift the seat to check for spiders. It can save your life! And please pass this on to everyone you care about

    Officer Sylvia Steele
    University of North Florida,
    linkage

    This is a fake story, but the spider is real. How scary is that?

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  3. #2
    I GOT A JAR OF DIRT. surfinrach90's Avatar
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    I'm so going to check every toilet seat for the rest of my life!

    >.<

  4. #3
    UNACCEPTABLE The_Mitch's Avatar
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    great. when i was little i saw a show about a snake in someones toilet and for the longest time i would always flush like every 10 seconds incase a snake was coming through the pipes. now i have to check the toilet seat every 10 seconds. thanks alot

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  5. #4
    Wiichats Idiot Identifier balrogs.pa's Avatar
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    AHAAHHAHAHAHA, thats hilarious, even if it is fake, well written though. now i'ma start bugging people about this story.
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  6. #5
    Bringer of BOTTOM!! DBloke's Avatar
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  7. #6
    WiiChat Member ARav989's Avatar
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    I'm copying and pasting that story to a friend


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  8. #7
    I GOT A JAR OF DIRT. surfinrach90's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mitch2025
    great. when i was little i saw a show about a snake in someones toilet and for the longest time i would always flush like every 10 seconds incase a snake was coming through the pipes. now i have to check the toilet seat every 10 seconds. thanks alot
    Lmao, the same thing happend to me!

  9. #8
    CU Guild For Life! :DDD WiiWouldLike2Play's Avatar
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    Lol. weiiiird fake story. (: Hilarious though!

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  10. #9
    雨... 雨.. Floydd's Avatar
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    Yet another thing to make me people paranoid about. Witty story though.
    Come Together.

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