The game was broken
Losing is inevitable when the game itself is working against you. How were you supposed to see that guy coming around the corner with such awful camera control? Those shotguns are over-powered and really need to be nerfed. Whose idea was it to design these camper-friendly maps? These sorts of issues are completely out of your control. Do the right thing by refusing to admit defeat and blame the real culprits, the ones who made the game.
The controller was broken
Faulty controls have served as a scapegoat for frustrated losers since the dawn of gaming. Your big-headed opponent will try to rub it in by bragging about how awesome he is. But it couldn’t be as simple as that could it? Surely, the more logical explanation would be that the controller - which was working fine yesterday - just decided to magically stop registering your commands during your moment of need. Yeah, that must be it.
You were lagging
You’ve got the enemy locked in the beads of your sights. You’re just about to pull the trigger to score a glorious headshot when the sound suddenly cuts off and your frames per second drop to zero. You’re lagging, and the next thing you know, you’re on your back watching some jerk tea bag your face.
It wasn’t your fault you died and didn’t get the MVP award for that round. It’s because your ISP wasn’t providing the high speed internet service you paid for. Damn you, Comcast. Go to hell, Verizon. We want our honor back, AT&T.
That guy was cheating
Game developers have cracked down hard on cheating in games where online multiplayer action is the main attraction. But don’t let programs like PunkBuster or constant updates - that fix exploits - stop you from citing cheating as the real reason you lost.
If you see someone in Halo 3 enter a crowded firefight and stick one player with a well-aimed grenade and assassinate someone else with a melee smack on the back of the head, before hosing down you and everyone else in the room while hopping like a psychotic bunny, don’t be fooled. That wasn’t skill, it was cheating.
We’re not rich
Let’s say that the controller is working, there was no cheating and the game designers don’t seem to be out to get you. If you lose, it’s probably just because you’re not as rich as your enemy.
If you had your pad setup with a gigantic HDTV, a fancy pants designer brand track ball mouse and a monster rig with a quintuple-core processor and two terabytes of RAM, you’d have owned the competition with a more precise aim, a better scope of the battle field and no chunky frame rates to sabotage your superiority.
Rest assured that it doesn’t count if you die while someone is blocking your view of the screen. Common culprits include family, friends, hungry roommates and pets.
You’ll need to sever yourself from any connections with breathing mammals if you never want to lose because of visual interference again. But it’s a small price to pay for achieving a life free of jerks that dare to walk the path that lies between you and your screen.
Having a life
You may be good, but who has the time to memorize each weapon spawn point or every inch of the map? All too often, the real reason why you sometimes lose has nothing to do with your skill, and everything to do with the fact that you have a life. Sure, it may be “solitary, poor, nasty, brutish, and short,” but it still keeps you busy.
Without the need to attend to family, friends, significant others, work, school and punching your roommate in throat for blocking your view of the screen; that anonymous opponent who beat you may think he won. But you can rest assured that because you had other things to do, a winner is you.
You were drunk
You didn’t lose because someone else was better than you. You were just drunk, okay? Did they wonder why you kept spinning in place and committing suicide with the rocket launcher? You don’t know either, but it seemed like a good idea at the time. Tell them to leave you be. You had a rough night.
You weren’t well
What’s worse than losing? Losing when you are sick, that’s what. How could you possibly compete with your clogged sinuses, sore throat and aching body? Combine that with your dulled senses due to the medication cocktail of codeine and cough syrup and even you wonder how you were able to sit up at the time.
On the phone
Distractions are often the real reason you were defeated. For example, that time you took a call from your sister while playing Call of Duty 4? There’s no way you would’ve let that one guy sneak up on you for a cheap kill if you didn’t feel compelled to at least feign interest in what she was saying. She might have been telling you something about her boyfriend proposing to her. What's his name? Lance? You hate that guy.