Jokes Thread!! @%$&*#~@

RPGMasterTurk91 · 09-19-2006, 09:34 PM

come on ppl comment and rate the jokes instead of just viewing them; all viewing guests should become members as well

LolygagerX · 09-19-2006, 09:37 PM

"You know what i like about our President... He always looks like hes looking directly into the Sun.."

Sovieto · 09-19-2006, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlightedArt

An Irishman walks out of a bar...

HAHAHAHAHA!

LMAO THAT ONE NEVER GETS OLD!!

DRMARIO · 09-20-2006, 10:20 AM

A man walks into a bar .......

Ouch

DRMARIO · 09-20-2006, 10:21 AM

With all this complaining and worry about the bird flu, the irish decided theyd settle it once and for all.
Tomorrow, they shall bomb the canary islands.

King Wiired · 09-20-2006, 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlightedArt

An Irishman walks out of a bar...

HAHAHAHAHA!

made me chuckle

+Maniacal=Maniac+ · 09-20-2006, 03:11 PM

i Got A Crapload That I Got Off E-Mail...

I knew a person that was so stupid that.......

she called me to get my phone number.

she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said
"concentrate." she put lipstick on her forehead because she
wanted to make up her mind. she tried to put M&M's in
alphabetical order. she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. she tried
to drown a fish. she thought a quarterback was a refund. she got
locked in a grocery store and starved to death. she tripped over a
cordless phone. she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. she studied for a
blood test. she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. when she heard
that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. when she
missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. when she took
you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned
around and went home...

Fun Things To Do On An Elevator!
Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough
air in there?"
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act
embarrassed when they open by themselves.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got
new socks on!"
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Leave a box between the doors.
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Start a sing-along.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?"
Play the harmonica.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Lean against the button panel.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other
passengers that this is your "personal space."
Bring a chair along.
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"

I'll FInd SOme More!

+Maniacal=Maniac+ · 09-20-2006, 03:15 PM

CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER
[Imagine that!]

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really?]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[ That'll stop 'em. ]

Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?
[Not if I wipe thoroughly!]

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
[What a guy!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges !
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[He probablyIS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
[That's what he gets for eating those beans!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

And the winner is....

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead!

I Like Those...

MetroidZ · 09-20-2006, 03:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlightedArt

An Irishman walks out of a bar...

HAHAHAHAHA!

lmao

RPGMasterTurk91 · 09-20-2006, 03:25 PM

lol not too bad those were actually pretty funny

cant ppl comment on the jokes or put in new ones? wow

MetroidZ · 09-22-2006, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RPGMasterTurk91

lol not too bad those were actually pretty funny

cant ppl comment on the jokes or put in new ones? wow

no one is listening to u because ur a turk.

+Maniacal=Maniac+ · 09-22-2006, 10:09 AM

no one is listening to u because ur a racist

MetroidZ · 09-22-2006, 10:30 AM

meh.. theres too many turks in london. almost half of my secondary school was turks.

Jaz · 09-22-2006, 10:40 AM

I suppose the black man could say there are too many whites, what with them being aound before us...

+Maniacal=Maniac+ · 09-22-2006, 12:58 PM

HUh?

Who The Black Man?

I_WANT_WII · 09-22-2006, 03:20 PM

How come I couldn't find this thread? Oh well. OK, so this guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer, and the bar tender says "that'll be $4.50."

I_WANT_WII · 09-22-2006, 03:21 PM

WTH? It double posted...... How come I can't delete this? Can some please delete it?

Sam_Harris · 09-23-2006, 03:45 AM

before i started yes ducks can talk in this joke...

a duck walks into a bar and asks for some nuts and the bartender says no we dont

the next day the ducks walks in and ask again for nuts the bartender says no and stop asking or i will nail your bill to the bar

the next day the duck walks into the bar asks do you have any nails ? the bartender says no then he asks do you have any nuts?

hehe well i thought the duck was funny

wolf231 · 09-23-2006, 03:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlightedArt

An Irishman walks out of a bar...

HAHAHAHAHA!

BlightedArt is a genius, give him a Wii i0n

**DPrinny** · 09-23-2006, 05:36 AM

There was this team of trainee parachutists

it was the end of there training and one asked "what happens if both our shutes dont open"
"you will fall to your death" said the instructor
"how long will we have left to live" said the student
"The rest of your life" said the instructor

well

09-19-2006, 09:34 PM	#41
RPGMasterTurk91 Turkish RPG Master Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Somewhere in New Jersey Posts: 744 Friends: 11	come on ppl comment and rate the jokes instead of just viewing them; all viewing guests should become members as well __________________ "Many religions within a nation causes little conflict, but two religions within a nation is nothing less than conflict." "If you can speak three languages, you are trinomial. If you can speak two languages, you are binomial. If you can speak one language, you are American." "Speak softly and carry a big stick"--Theodore Roosevelt. Haha describes me nicely. SSBB: 0602-5954-4722 CURRENTLY RETIRED FROM ONLINE PLAY AND VIDEO GAMES IN GENERAL

09-19-2006, 09:37 PM	#42
LolygagerX Wii Are Comeing Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: In a House Posts: 231 Friends: 0	"You know what i like about our President... He always looks like hes looking directly into the Sun.." __________________ Wii Came, Wii Conquered.

09-20-2006, 10:20 AM	#44
DRMARIO Controversial. Join Date: May 2006 Location: England Posts: 2,092 Friends: 6 0000-0000-0000-0000 Blog Entries: 1	A man walks into a bar ....... Ouch __________________ Enoch was right.

09-20-2006, 10:21 AM	#45
DRMARIO Controversial. Join Date: May 2006 Location: England Posts: 2,092 Friends: 6 0000-0000-0000-0000 Blog Entries: 1	With all this complaining and worry about the bird flu, the irish decided theyd settle it once and for all. Tomorrow, they shall bomb the canary islands. __________________ Enoch was right.

09-20-2006, 03:11 PM	#47
+Maniacal=Maniac+ Am I Losing Friends? Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,935 Friends: 4 4516-7863-9846-6018	i Got A Crapload That I Got Off E-Mail... I knew a person that was so stupid that....... she called me to get my phone number. she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate." she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind. she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. she sent me a fax with a stamp on it. she tried to drown a fish. she thought a quarterback was a refund. she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death. she tripped over a cordless phone. she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept. she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. she studied for a blood test. she thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved. when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead. when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home... Fun Things To Do On An Elevator! Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly. Sell Girl Scout cookies. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?" Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom. Do Tai Chi exercises. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on!" Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons. Leave a box between the doors. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it. Start a sing-along. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your beeper?" Play the harmonica. Say "Ding!" at each floor. Lean against the button panel. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space." Bring a chair along. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger." If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!" I'll FInd SOme More! __________________ Meh


Wii News Wii Forum Wii Friend Codes Wii Groups Wii Blogs Wii Arcade

09-20-2006, 03:15 PM	#48
+Maniacal=Maniac+ Am I Losing Friends? Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,935 Friends: 4 4516-7863-9846-6018	CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S DAUGHTER [Imagine that!] Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [No, really?] Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [ That'll stop 'em. ] Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [Not if I wipe thoroughly!] Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [What a guy!] Miners Refuse to Work after Death [No-good-for-nothing lazy so-and-sos!] Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [See if that works any better than a fair trial!] War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!] If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [You think?] Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [Who would have thought!] Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [They may be on to something!] Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges ! [You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?] Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge [He probablyIS the battery charge!] New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [Weren't they fat enough?!] Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That's what he gets for eating those beans!] Kids Make Nutritious Snacks [Taste like chicken?] Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half [Chainsaw Massacre all over again!] Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!] And the winner is.... Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead! I Like Those... __________________ Meh

09-20-2006, 03:25 PM	#50
RPGMasterTurk91 Turkish RPG Master Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Somewhere in New Jersey Posts: 744 Friends: 11	lol not too bad those were actually pretty funny cant ppl comment on the jokes or put in new ones? wow __________________ "Many religions within a nation causes little conflict, but two religions within a nation is nothing less than conflict." "If you can speak three languages, you are trinomial. If you can speak two languages, you are binomial. If you can speak one language, you are American." "Speak softly and carry a big stick"--Theodore Roosevelt. Haha describes me nicely. SSBB: 0602-5954-4722 CURRENTLY RETIRED FROM ONLINE PLAY AND VIDEO GAMES IN GENERAL

09-22-2006, 10:09 AM	#52
+Maniacal=Maniac+ Am I Losing Friends? Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,935 Friends: 4 4516-7863-9846-6018	no one is listening to u because ur a racist __________________ Meh

09-22-2006, 10:30 AM	#53
MetroidZ Lol, 1 Yr Excitement Over Join Date: May 2006 Location: London, England Rank: i-wii-sistable Posts: 3,595 Friends: 1	meh.. theres too many turks in london. almost half of my secondary school was turks. __________________

09-22-2006, 10:40 AM	#54
Jaz Nintendo Wii and Mario <3 Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: Cornwall, UK! Posts: 45 Friends: 0	I suppose the black man could say there are too many whites, what with them being aound before us... __________________ Zelda

09-22-2006, 12:58 PM	#55
+Maniacal=Maniac+ Am I Losing Friends? Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 2,935 Friends: 4 4516-7863-9846-6018	HUh? Who The Black Man? __________________ Meh

09-22-2006, 03:20 PM	#56
I_WANT_WII TEH HAXXORS Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ontario,Canada Posts: 387 Friends: 2	How come I couldn't find this thread? Oh well. OK, so this guy walks into a bar and asks for a beer, and the bar tender says "that'll be $4.50."

09-22-2006, 03:21 PM	#57
I_WANT_WII TEH HAXXORS Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: Ontario,Canada Posts: 387 Friends: 2	WTH? It double posted...... How come I can't delete this? Can some please delete it? Last edited by I_WANT_WII; 09-22-2006 at 03:23 PM. Reason: WTH? Double post!

09-23-2006, 03:45 AM	#58
Sam_Harris ******<---saucy Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Australia Posts: 1,519 Friends: 0 8426-6514-9175-8079	before i started yes ducks can talk in this joke... a duck walks into a bar and asks for some nuts and the bartender says no we dont the next day the ducks walks in and ask again for nuts the bartender says no and stop asking or i will nail your bill to the bar the next day the duck walks into the bar asks do you have any nails ? the bartender says no then he asks do you have any nuts? hehe well i thought the duck was funny __________________ See I made it my own! RELIGION whoosh wow a 50 page thread bout how there beliefs are right and you are all wrong wow. Oh do want to be different rep! even if I don't help it seems to happen a lot here

09-23-2006, 05:36 AM	#60
DPrinny A right moaning sod Join Date: May 2006 Location: ................................... ..................................! Posts: 16,615 Friends: 22 9001-9001-9001-9001 Blog Entries: 5	There was this team of trainee parachutists it was the end of there training and one asked "what happens if both our shutes dont open" "you will fall to your death" said the instructor "how long will we have left to live" said the student "The rest of your life" said the instructor well __________________ Spoiler Alert! -The names shite but the contents alright - -Also a Twitter tw@ - -MyTube - My animelist -Retro Rewind. April 10th and 11th-A right Moaning Sod New moans every Friday

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