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A story I'm writing...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by sKin, Sep 4, 2006.

  1. sKin

    sKin Bulls on Parade

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    For those of you who don't know i'm a huge fan of writing, and i'm getting pretty good at it. I was bored so I began writing another story, here's what i've come up with so far. Comments would be appreciated :)

    Chapter 1


    The moon was hidden behind a mass of black clouds as I stepped slowly outside of the New York Police Station. A yellow cab drenched in rain sat waiting for me, a Police Officer’s hand on my shoulder was gently guiding me towards it.

    “You’ll be okay.” He said.

    I merely nodded.

    “The Cab will take you to the Airport; from there the plane will take you to your Aunt’s house in Kansas. We’ll send your belongings later.”

    My eyes were red and swollen from the hours I had spent crying, and the shirt on my back did little to shield me from the cold. I could feel the rain hit my face and I welcomed it warmly- anything to shade the tears of what had just happened.

    I slid inside the Taxi as the officer went around front and briefly talked to the driver. I knew they had been talking about me as they Cab Driver turned to look at me after the Police Officer left back towards the Station. He stared at me for a moment before he finally spoke.

    “Hi.” He said warmly.

    Once again I nodded.

    “I’m sorry about your loss.”

    “Please just drive.” I replied firmly. I didn’t feel like talking.

    “Sure.”

    He started up the Taxi, and immediately I felt the heater kick in. Its power was almost over-whelming.

    I watched in a state of silence and confusion as all of down-town New York flew by me in a blur, the only thing remaining in my mind we’re the steady drops of rain on my window. I wasn’t born here, I wasn’t raised here. It had never felt like home.

    I settled comfortably into my seat as my mind wandered to different thoughts and places. The Taxi smelled wonderfully of Coffee, and I inhaled it’s aroma as I tried to remember, tried to understand, what had just happened.

    My parents are dead. This I understood, this I knew. But was it my fault?

    I didn’t have an answer to that question.

    I began to cry some more.
     
  2. Jakobthelyre

    Jakobthelyre WiiChat Member

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    yeah it is your fault because your parents are dead.


    because your such a good writer, that once they saw this, they passed out and fell down the stairs and hit their head.


    this is good stuff. you are an author im telling you man.
     
  3. sKin

    sKin Bulls on Parade

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    lmao thanks a ton man, i'm so gonna sig this reply one day. The second chapter is on the way :)
     
  4. 2stupid4u

    2stupid4u WiiChat Member

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    wow that was awsome dude you should write a book!!!!
     
  5. sKin

    sKin Bulls on Parade

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    Chapter Numero Dos :)

    Chapter 2


    A light flickered on in my head.

    “Honey, can you please slow down?”

    My mom shot my dad one of her infamous “evil-eye” looks, and my dad returned it.

    “I’m not going fast.” She replied coldly.

    “The road is wet,” he pointed out, “and I think you’re too tired to drive right now.”

    She shook her head, “Nonsense.”

    I sat in the back seat, watching the freeway pass by me in a blur. It was just after nine, and the party my Parent’s had to attend had just ended. Neither one of them was drunk, which comforted me. They had been trying to stay sober for the past year, and so far they had been doing wonderfully.

    My dad turned around in his seat and smiled at me, “how are you doing kiddo?”

    I glared at him, “I’m not a kid anymore.”

    He laughed, “Of course not. My little man is growing up.”

    My mom laughed also, “You got that right.”

    I looked at my mom and frowned, “Please focus on the road.” I don’t know why I said it, it just sort of fell out of me.

    My dad shot me a questioning look, “You don’t trust your mom’s driving?”

    “Not at night. You know what happened last time.”

    My mom gave my dad a nervous glance and remained attentive to the road, my dad turned back in his seat.

    “That was ages ago.” He muttered. We all fell quiet.

    The warmth in the car felt like a blanket around me, and I embraced it wearily. On nights like this in New York the temperature was extremely cold, but as my dad explained it, it was all apart of being a New Yorker.

    “If you don’t get used to the weather here, you won’t any where else. It’s what separates us from everybody else in the United States.”

    “I’m pretty sure Alaska is much colder than New York.”

    “Alaska isn’t apart of the U.S.”

    “I’m pretty sure it is dad.” I said matter-o-factly.

    He winked at me, “Only if you’re Canadian.” I believed him.

    I watched as the window-shield wipers shot back and forth furiously trying to clear my mother’s vision. If I would have known this was the last time I would have been able to speak to my parents I would have said something. But I didn’t.

    I remained quiet and calm in the back seat as the sudden screeching of tires shook me from unconsciousness.

    “What are you doing?” I shot tiredly at my mom. She didn’t reply as she squinted through the glass in front of her.

    “What is that?” my dad asked.

    The sound of sirens filled the car, and I froze.

    “Do I pull over?” my mom asked.

    “No wait… ”

    CRACK. White light flashed in front of me and I went blind. The horrible sound of metal on metal rang in my ears. I felt almost weightless as our car was being ejected into the air. As it rolled I rolled, and I clung onto my seat-belt for dear-life.

    I could hear the top of our car slide across the wet gravel of the freeway, and I could feel the heat of the sparks as it flew by my head. All of the windows had blown out and I could feel the glass bounce around me.

    Everything went black.

    I couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t smell.

    Am I dead?

    A voice rang out.

    “No.”

    I nearly jumped at the reply. I looked around the conformity of my darkness.

    “Who said that?”

    “I did.”

    A figured drenched in white illuminated my vision and I could feel myself draw in breath.

    “Take my hand.” The figure said. From out of the light a hand appeared, and I stared at it in confusion.

    “Who are you?”

    “My name is Sam.”

    “Who are you Sam?”

    “Take my hand.” It repeated again. This time I didn’t argue. I took the hand and it felt gentle and warm against my skin, and I embraced it. It was pulling me… pulling me away.

    Everything went black again. I opened my eyes, I was in a hospital. Everything went black again. I opened my eyes, I was in a police station.

    The light in my head flickered out.

    I woke up just as my plane landed in Kansas.
     
    #5 sKin, Sep 5, 2006
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2006
  6. 2stupid4u

    2stupid4u WiiChat Member

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    bravo!!!!!!!!!!!!that had sooo much detail i felt like i was watching it!!!!!!!!!!
     
  7. RPGMasterTurk91

    RPGMasterTurk91 Turkish RPG Master

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    not too bad at all let me just mention that me and my twin bro r really good writers as well :) we took power writing courses and have experience in debates, law, speech and more...i hope to c more of your work and hopefully i will make some too :)

    how old r u btw? we r almost 15 years old going to 10th grade in 2 days lol
     
  8. sKin

    sKin Bulls on Parade

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    I'm 16 going on 17, and i'm gonna be a junior next year. I've been writing since i've been really little, and each year it amazes me at how good i'm getting. The hardest part of writing a story is making it flow, and i've been working on that A TON to make my stories better.

    If you ever need any help in your writing, just ask :)

    And thanks for all the comments :cool:

    Edit: Holy crap I have a twin brother as well. Conspiracy!
     
  9. RPGMasterTurk91

    RPGMasterTurk91 Turkish RPG Master

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    lol this is funny almost everything u just said in that last post is the same about us (the only part is the age and grade thats different)

    btw, my bros name is: FinalFantasyVII (Wiichat)
     
    #9 RPGMasterTurk91, Sep 5, 2006
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2006
  10. RPGMasterTurk91

    RPGMasterTurk91 Turkish RPG Master

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    Please help me out...

    i just have quick question if u dont mind me asking here on this forum...how do u put that extra line of words underneath each on of ur posts? i know ur not typing them over again and typing the "line" and writing something under it...for example, u have that halo banner thing underneath that line...how do u get that there? i wanna put something there too! but idk how...thats what u can help me with please :D

    and also, how do u copy what someones saying into that box? u know when it says "Origanlly posted by abc123"and says what they posted in a box in italics...please tell me how to do both of those if oyu guys dont mind thanks a lot

    BTW, u live in NY?
     
  11. sKin

    sKin Bulls on Parade

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    Go into "User CP" which is below and to the left of the top banner, and go to "Edit Signature". What ever you put there will show up underneath ever reply you post.

    You use "[q*uote=nameofposter]whateverhesaid[/quote]" without the quotation marks and the * after the first "q". Or you can just push the quote button at the bottom of my reply to the right.

    Not currently, but I did live there for a year. Awesome place.
     
    #11 sKin, Sep 5, 2006
    Last edited: Sep 5, 2006
  12. RPGMasterTurk91

    RPGMasterTurk91 Turkish RPG Master

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    thanks a lot for the advice :D so where do u live if u dont mind me asking? (what state?)
     
  13. nintendo lover

    nintendo lover WiiChat Member

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    wow, you are a good writer.
     
  14. sKin

    sKin Bulls on Parade

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    I live in Long Beach, California. Love it here :)

    Thanks, and chapter 3 is on its way :cool:
     
  15. sasuke747

    sasuke747 #1 Sonic Fan.

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    This is so Moving and it sounds so personal I really like 1st Person view instead of 3rd Person :)
     
  16. NateTheGreat

    NateTheGreat Pondering Member

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    Wow, finally, something really interesting to read on this site! You've got a lot of good imagery and style.

    Um, can I make one little suggestion? I noticed the expression "shot [insert character name] a look" quite a few times. Though I like reacurring themes, perhaps if you varied it a bit, like saying for example "the look he/she sent/gave me" or "[insert facial expression] formed on his/her face..." Sometimes it can make the story feel more intricate/complex.

    I can hardly wait for Chapter 3. Well done.:)
     
  17. Diomedes

    Diomedes WiiChat Member

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    great story! so whens the next chapter, its been an awfully long time.
    im looking foward for it
     

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