Goldeneye - A Noobs Tale (for the "older" players amongst us)

[Carlito]

Goddamnit! I bet he was about bloody twelve as well, little bugger! Just picked me out from everyone else and decided to keep me dead. I spawned in a few different places but after a minute or so he bloody found me, what makes it worse is the little sod (I am still sticking with the idea he’s a bloody kid) mêléed me for about three or four of the kills too. Not to worry, as I wasn’t in my zone last night anyway, I’ll get him tonight instead, I'm gonna be on form tonight, preperation is the key. Bag of munchies, tin of beer, kids stuff tidied out of the way, dog sedated (gets in the way of the sensor) and attitude switched to "full on". I’m on pretty much every night to be honest, convincing myself that the other players I see online MUST be adults as it’s late (UK time 10pm onwards) and kids would be in bed with associated teddies, transformer toys and a copy of Big ‘n’ Busty stashed under the mattress. That way I don’t feel immature sat in my living room swearing at some pixilated figures on my TV set and breaking down in tears each time I see my XP score at the end of a game.

Level 17 now and running round with a Stauger or whatever it’s called, still can’t get this hip fire thing though. If someone gets too close it appears my tactic is to aim at the sky and run round in a circle whilst spraying bullets everywhere (watch out pigeons) except at the guy frantically trying to slap me about the head with the butt of his gun. I eventually stop panicking and think about dropping a grenade in my death throes. Just as I’m about to do that “Thwack!” I’m dead. It's either that scenario or a really irritating red cross in the middle of the screen telling me that I'm crap and can't even move in any direction unless I relax, aim at the sensor bar and then run like hell. Is it just me that this happens to? Is there a cure?

Yes I’m too old to be this addicted to a game, yes I’m getting a little better, yes I’m of a certain age group (let’s just say over 30…and then some) and no, I’m not going to let that little sod get me again, not again……at least not tonight anyway.

I’ll be back on tonight and no doubt back here tomorrow, might even update this regularly so you guys can either laugh and poke fun or relax in the knowledge there’s someone else out there that’s having the same issues as you.

It’s a stupid game anyway









But I’ll be on again tonight from about 10pm GMT :yesnod:

 

[trollface]

Haha I lol at the spinning part. I remember being a noob spinning around in circles whilst shaking the nunchuk frantically. You can always tell a noob when you get close, its always the same spinning and shooting and bashing. Lets call it the noob dance lol.

Well the obvious reason this happens is by overreacting and pointing your wiimote off screen. Therefore the only way to not have this happen is to not over react... It takes a bit of experience and practice but if you're still doing the noob dance after level 20 Id say its time to give it up.

Also, there is suppose to be a setting to turn of the keep scrolling whilst wiimote is off screen. I tried it once but it totally messed up my play.

Great story and keep it up Very entertaining!

 

[HOOT]

I understand every inch of what you said. I too am too old (i'll say almost30)
almost a parent
frustrated at the 'im being destroyed by a 13yo scenario'
live in the UK (its a uk thing, yep...diffo a uk thing...stick to that)
am on every night just after 10pm.
Im level 36 now and went thru everything you said.
THERE IS HOPE AND I AM PROOF. Whilst not incredible i have more great games now than poor ones and i average about 600xp most games (stick to hero's for xp).

My advice is to practice, enjoy and use that feeling of annoyance/frustration to push you forward.
You will get that kid tonight. Somehow in life the older you are the more immatute you're allowed to feel.
Give me a shout if you wanna get online, be happy to help anyway i can.

Goldeneye FC: 2871-3279-0214
pm on this site anytime.

 

[Dude_]

Running around- shooting the sky, what a noob...I would run around and shoot the ground. lol! Seriously, I could imagine how ridiculous I looked to a more experienced player...sheesh. Now as a level 54 and a 'level' 33 in real life, I don't feel too old playing this game. It's fun, as long as you keep in mind that it's just a game, and you'll have good games and bad games.

 

[Egozilla]

Poor Carlito! I've managed the same damned scenario on more than one occasional. Well, not so much the spinning but I have enjoyed some little twerp blasting me at every spawn point and, when it wasn't at a spawn point, shortly after I had spawned and taken a few steps. Thank goodness for the loop of thread holding the controller to my wrist!

Today, in fact, was an interesting day for me. I opened up in Black Box and managed 36 kills and only 8 deaths. So, I figured I was on and no one would stop me. Additionally, I was playing with a bunch of lower level persons who should have had the common courtesy to fall dead at my feet as soon as they saw me. Sadly, it was not to be and I could swear every one of them was armed with a grenade launcher. Yes, I killed them - sometimes - though they tended to suicide more often than not. I believe I managed a whopping 100 XP per those 3 games.

I do believe that when I level up to the grenade launcher I will arm it on one loadout and save it for those very opportunities.

 

[elflacco]

Also a older-but-should-know-better goldenye player here. And I definitely feel your pain at getting beat by the kids who don't care that our FPS skills are still stuck in the "Wolfenstein on the Amiga" era.

As such, I decided that my profile name would be: GETOFFMYLAWN

 

[WiiAssasin]

And that's the reason we invented teabagging.

 

[Kira]

Hey, wtf?! I don't understand why you "old" people have to be so annoying to us...
a little kid beated you? f*** off! if you are that mature well, don't get pissed for stupid things like that. much easier, DON'T PLAY! I bet that a 10 years old kid can beat you! ..anyways, this thread is a ****!

PS: I don't care what the f*** you think about this, so, go ahead and reply it.

 

[brittany33]

Holy geese Cheater - calm down please. I think the intention of this thread was to be funny and point out some of the common experiences we all share. I, personally, think it's fun to wonder who the players on the other end are. Is this an 8 year old kid or a 50 year old crazy guy?... That's the fun of it - no one ever really knows. So next time you get owned by someone - assume it's a one armed South African midget who is forced to play the game by their pet monkey named Felipe. You'll sleep better at night.

*This user does not condone making fun of midgets, South Africans, amputees, or monkeys*

 

[Egozilla]

Ah, but you can make fun of 50 year old crazy guys? I never liked you! Heh.

 

[trollface]

Hey, wtf?! I don't understand why you "old" people have to be so annoying to us...
a little kid beated you? f*** off! if you are that mature well, don't get pissed for stupid things like that. much easier, DON'T PLAY! I bet that a 10 years old kid can beat you! ..anyways, this thread is a ****!

PS: I don't care what the f*** you think about this, so, go ahead and reply it.

I lol at this. "Rage kid" should be your tag lol watch the blood pressure kid This post is pure satire. No need to be offended.

You will be surprised at how age can slow your reaction time. I say "will be" because it is inevitable, you will be old one day. Im 29 and I know there is a huge difference from when I was a teen.

 

[Carlito]

Rage Kid lol love it. F**k this and go F**k yourself here etc I bet your dad will beat my dad in a fight too :smilewinkgrin: Cheater it is all aimed at raising a laugh now and then, you'll get it when you're older mate.

Hello chaps and thanks for the replies of advice and understanding lol I’m thinking I might turn this in to an almost blog of my daily failings that all are welcome to comment on.

I was skimming through a couple of threads in the GE section here and came across one about the grenade launcher. Now I’ve never used this yet but am aware that you can get it as part of one of the pre-made loadouts. I’ve also not seen it in use that often so it wasn’t really a worry….until last night.

Bloody hell! It appears that one guy playing on the baddy team (that’s of course any team I’m not on) during a BB session had obviously equipped himself with this devils pea-shooter. He was a kinda mid-level chap, I think at about level 21 or something, and all he seemed to do was run to most populated areas, crack off two grenades and either blow himself up with the second shot or he would be massacred in group format by those he’d just killed once they re-spawned. I don’t get it….for every life he had he’d manage two kills and then we’d basically ***** slap him to death. It didn’t work for him as his XP was low and he was, at best, second from the bottom on the score board. Thing that I liked is that once we (the goody team) sussed out who it was using the launcher he was utterly annihilated at every opportunity. But it was done as a team with people I’d never played with before all focused on killing him asap.

I wasn’t on for too long last night as it took a while for me to get the kids to sleep but the few games that I did get in TC, BB and Heroes were enjoyable mostly (grenade ***** to one side) because there was a real sense of team play in each session. Objectives were adhered to except for some chap called 009 who just wanted to snipe anyone trying to do the task (failed miserably each time though ha) but I was loving the team feel. I’d see other guys run somewhere and follow them (my goody guys) and there we’d all be protecting the BB or blowing the crap out of it or stalking the Hero. I did notice on the Station map when playing BB that one of the baddies new about the crate glitch and literally climbed inside it with the BB. We couldn’t kill him and he wouldn’t blow up regardless of the amount of grenades we chucked at him. Once sussed though we just left him there and killed his buddies instead.

One question guys I unlocked the Bio-Booster the other day but it didn’t seem to make a worthwhile difference so went back to the hip firing gadget thing instead. Did I get this wrong? Is the Bio-Booster worth sacrificing the hip firing thingy for?

Anyway, work to pretend to do so will maybe get killed by some of you guys online tonight.

Oh oh and another quick suggestion. Don’t be too friendly like me and kinda stand in front of names you recognise and wave (melee) your gun around to say hello. They ignore you and move out of the way as you get shot in the back by a baddy.

 

[Succthis]

One question guys I unlocked the Bio-Booster the other day but it didn’t seem to make a worthwhile difference so went back to the hip firing gadget thing instead. Did I get this wrong? Is the Bio-Booster worth sacrificing the hip firing thingy for?

Depends on the map I think. I have Snap shot on all my loadouts save one. Anova/Kunara/Remotes/Armor/Bio/Laser for when I'm getting crushed by noobs with tubes and hackers with proxies...and little kids.

 

[Egozilla]

One question guys I unlocked the Bio-Booster the other day but it didn’t seem to make a worthwhile difference so went back to the hip firing gadget thing instead. Did I get this wrong? Is the Bio-Booster worth sacrificing the hip firing thingy for?

I don't think I use bio booster on any loadout except my sniper loadout.

Oh oh and another quick suggestion. Don’t be too friendly like me and kinda stand in front of names you recognise and wave (melee) your gun around to say hello. They ignore you and move out of the way as you get shot in the back by a baddy.

Um...don't do that. I'll shoot you. But "HI" in advance.

 

[Blackecho]

Lol Carlito, sounds like me too

We really should party up some time, you're on my friend's list, but not sure we've partied yet?