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I really need some help here (girl problems)

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Ezekiel86, Jan 30, 2007.

  1. Ezekiel86

    Ezekiel86 Chillin in the Mill

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    Hey everyone.

    If you could be so kind as to lend me your help in this aptly titled self-centred thread, it would be greatly appreciated...

    Well... as the title implies, there's a girl that I like... We met last year at the Big Day Out (2006) in February... I never really thought much of our meeting at the time... but as time passed, I found myself becoming more and more attached to her... While everything else was going down, she was always there for me... (just for the record she is now 18 and I am 20).

    She lives down in Busselton (A country town about three(3) hours south of Perth, while I reside in Perth. So distance has made things hard, but we always kept in fairly good communication. However, sometime in mid February she says she will be moving to Perth for University.

    For a long time (the last few months) things went up and down, she was saying she loved me at one point, and a month or two later she thought she might like some other guy... We've kept on going as friends for a while... but I told her tonight that I still "[sic]like" her... When I asked her if she still "[sic]liked" me, she replies with "no... probably not... I just like you as a friend"...

    I might be seeing her this weekend at this years Big Day Out music festival... The thing is I don't really know if I want to see her... I suppose you could say, if "I can't have all of her, I don't want her"... which is kind of how I feel... But at the same time I don't want to pressure her into making a decision like that... If we were going to be together I want it to happen because she likes me for who I am, and not because she feels pressured to.

    I don't know what to do... one part of me wants her to be happy (whether that comes from being with me or not)... but another part just wants things to go my way, because I'm so sick of having nothing work out for me... I just want something to go my way for a change... And I have no freaking idea what to do!! Help would be greatly appreciated, as I'm so confused right now :( :(
     
  2. King Wiired

    King Wiired HITLER ME JEZ

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    I personally feel you need to gulp, and move on. Go to the music festival, don't just not go 'cause she's there, go there with friends and have fun. Don't go talk to her, if she is at all interested in the friendship or even more, she'll more then likely come talk to you. I know it's not easy, 'cause girls can be silly :) and some, which seems to be in this case, use love to easily, whereas they just know you like them, in which they abuse that (not being sexist, some guys do it too). I say, go look for some more girls, whether its at this music festival or not. If you see a girl who you find attractive, or looks like a remotely nice person, then pluck up courage and go talk to her, 'cause I'm sure that couple of seconds of fear will be much more comforting then having months more of anxiety with this current girl.
    Unless, you go to the music festival (which I feel you should whatever happens) and she's like all over you, your feelings at the time might just run riot, and be like 'yeah I'll stick with her, I love her etc..' in which I say just think about what the situation, and reality, before you get straight into things.
    Hope I've helped in some way... peace.
     
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  3. Ezekiel86

    Ezekiel86 Chillin in the Mill

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    Wow, thanks man, that's just the kind of response I was looking for. You raise some very valid points, and I totally agree, I'm definitely going to the music festival. I agree, the term "love" is used far too frivulously (if thats how its spelt) and it's use is not always appropriate. I mean there are some contexts where it's universally acceptable (for example, in a forum like this, it's commonplace to hear people stating "I love the Wii!" and we accept it) but when it comes to feelings between two people, it's a word that should be used with great respect.

    When it comes to anxiety, I've already put up with so much of that with this girl. I suppose the way I looked at it was "I've already put this much time into it, I might as well try to make it work". When I explained that to my sister she said it's flawed because if we all approached relationships with that logic, everybody would be miserable, and I totally understand where she comes from with that statement.

    I guess that's what it comes down to now... I can't keep on hanging out for her, because if I do I'll just keep getting hurt and be even unhappier... You raise some very valid points my friend.

    I like you man, you speak straight from the heart. But I must be off now, it's about 3:19am and I really should get some sleep...
     
  4. Wii_Revolution

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    I got 99 problems but a ***** ain't one!

    I agree with all that Wiired has said.
     
  5. WiiGirl2006

    WiiGirl2006 Butterfly Kisses

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    I don't know if you wanted a girl's view on the subject, but I can give you some advice. First off now that she knows you still like her, she will most likely use it to her advantage, but not all girls are like that. Second off if you go to this festival following her around like a puppy she either might get creeped out or might think that she can play head games with you, because she knows you still like her, which will make things worse for you. If I were you I would just go to this festival have fun with your friends and enjoy yourself, don't worry about what she is thinking about (even tho it might be hard). If she really wanted to be your friend she would come up and talk to you, if she ignores you then she is not worth getting upset over. If she says she wants to be just friends, it is most likely true, it prolly will be hard for you, but just think about all this time you are wasting on someone that doesn't want to be with you. Like the other person that posted before me, find someone at the festival and talk to her, it never hurts to try. I wish you luck! :thumbsup:
     
  6. GreenBean713

    GreenBean713 WiiChat Member

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    i didnt read anyone elses reply so if i repeat soemthign sorry.

    i know how you feel dude. me and this have liked each other for 6 years now. SIX YEARS. we always miss a chance with each other. but now...i just gave up and moved on. one of the hardest things ive ever had to do ya know?

    ask her if she wants to try. cause you dont wanna think WHAT IF. and if she says know. respect that man. any guy like you that has enough balls to ask people on here for help is a good man.

    just keep the head up and chest out. just be yourself. sometimes the hardest part of holding on is letting go.
     
  7. SukhKular

    SukhKular WiiChat Member

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    If I've learned anything over the years, it's that girls like to play games just to see what you'll do. My girl has admitted to that a few times. My advice (which actually worked every time I tried it) is to play it cool. Act like you're not interested. Don't be mean or anything. Act like you would around someone you were strictly friends with. If it works, THEN I RULE... If it doesn't, it's because of something else, not my advice.

    Oh, and if you need any reassurance... It worked on my girl... Our wedding date is set for May 2008.

    And if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. Don't stress too much over it. I've been through it and it sucks when it's happening but you do move on. Like I was with this girl who I swore to myself I would treat like a frickin' goddess, man. And I did. I did everything I could for her. I look back now and she wasn't even that great. I mean I remember thinking a thousand times to myself that I was too good for her, but I never acted on simply because I loved her to death. She left me because she was getting bored of us, which I sort of was, too. But I never would have left her. No matter how shitty things had gotten. She didn't seem to feel the same way. Point is...You move on to better things. Besides, you're still young... (I am too... I'm 20 as well) Don't go out looking for another girl to replace her, but try to keep yourself preoccupied with your other friends so you don't have a chance to miss her. And hey, if you happen to meet another girl by accident... Go for it. I don't recommend looking for another girl, but if one falls into your lap (pun intended) then act on it. You'll be happy you did. BTW: You can PM me if you don't want the details all over the net.
     
    #7 SukhKular, Jan 31, 2007
    Last edited: Jan 31, 2007
  8. KINGSHIPLEY

    KINGSHIPLEY *KING~SHIPLEY*

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    dont let on that you like her as much ....i know (the other way around) if a girl likes me more then me likin her i would always use that to my advantage as in there was no point on me even trying to be with her if you she was throwin herself to me...gotta make her feel like shes missing out...been there man... went through a hell ride trying to get at my girl i have now...bout 3 months worth of crap...been together ever since 10 months this sunday...and she also now lives with me.
     
  9. surfinrach90

    surfinrach90 I GOT A JAR OF DIRT.

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    Dude I think ya need to forget about her man :)

    I'm sure there's alot of nice girls just living around the corner from you :thumbsup:
     
  10. King Wiired

    King Wiired HITLER ME JEZ

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    Totally forgot about this thread and I'm glad you agree with some of my advice :D I'm soo pleased to hear you're going to the music festival, 'cause most people in your situation wouldn't go, just to avoid something good/bad happening. Good luck to you my friend, and you've got all my respect :)
     
  11. Riviet

    Riviet WiiChat Veteran

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    This thread has been a good read for myself, haven't even had one gf yet. Hopefully I'll find someone in uni (about to start first year at UNSW, Australia).

    Ezekiel86: I'm sure we would like to hear from you and how it all goes with her. :) All the best mate. :thumbsup:
     
  12. wow are we girls THAT bad when we're younge? i dont remember making guys this insane and depressed :(

    im sorry about your girl problems Ezekiel86. pretty much all of you guys said what i would of said too in a nut shell..... sigh.

    i wish you the best of luck kiddo and TRUST me there are ALOT of girls out there who have similar delemahs as you so dont feel bad and i know there is a girl out there just dying to date you and love you almost as much as you love them :)

    chin up we're not all that evil :lol:
     
  13. GhOsT55

    GhOsT55 PC Gamer

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    just bang her.....ive got nothing else to say.
     
  14. ~Marisa~

    ~Marisa~ Ngiyabonga, my friend.

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    Well, I have a bit of advice but I'm too lazy to type it all right now lol. You can add me on msn if you want Ez and we can talk if you need someone to talk to


    are.you.afraid.of.the.dark@hotmail.com
     
  15. LordofGoron

    LordofGoron LordofGoron

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    You'll never find your answer. Sorry to let you down. With girls, there is no way just to make them like you no matter what. Just find her weakness and strike it.
     
  16. Ezekiel86

    Ezekiel86 Chillin in the Mill

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    Hey guys,

    Thanks for all your responses, that was really great of all of you to put your thoughts and feelings forward like that, I really appreciate it :)

    I thought I'd share with you how things went at the festival:

    The Big Day Out was yesterday, unfortunately, things didn't go quite as well as I had hoped... I did go, saw a few bands (my main band being Trivium, where I felt as if I almost died of dehydration/overheating - lousy cramped indoor section) and whatnot, caught up with a few friends too. But I don't know... the day just felt incomplete... I found everywhere I went I was thinking about her more and more, reminds me of those song lyrics - "Everything I see reminds me of her, god I wish I didn't care anymore" - Slipknot - Everything Ends.

    I guess the day got off on the wrong foot in a sense... We were supposed to get there around 12 noon, and a friend (an ex from a few years ago) was going to give us a ride in, while at the same time my best mate was coming with us too and she was bringing some guy too. My best mate took a while getting here (seemed like about 40 minutes from the train station given it only takes about 15 minutes to walk...), and she was almost an hour late :rolleyes:

    On the trip there all they talked about were the drugs they were planning on taking, which left me as the odd one out, as I don't do drugs. It did really start to irritate me too because my best mate who was with us told me he was going clean, then to hear him saying he's really hoping to find some stuff inside the show really annoyed me. Also I can't say I really liked the guy my ex dragged along, I lost all respect for him when he started screaming at people out of the car window (I HATE people who do that). Freakin' hell... Is it that hard to enjoy music straight faced?

    So that didn't set up a good disposition for the day... We parted ways soon after, my bestie and I wandered off to catch The Butterfly Effect (just for the record they're an East Coast rock band, I'm not talking about the movie) which helped cheer me up somewhat. After that we went to see Birds of Tokyo, who were actually pretty decent, and I started hanging with this really short cute girl in the crowd. She recognised me a couple of times later in the day and gave me hugs, I felt loved lol.

    After the Birds of Tokyo show, Trivium came on and they were easily the most intense band of the day. They put on a damn good show, but there were alot of inconsiderate morons in the crowd. What was even worse was that unlike every other stage which was situated outdoors, this stage was inside in which after a short while I felt as if I was going to die of dehydration from that mosh pit...

    By the end of the show I wandered out trying to look for people, apparently Leah's (the girl I'm trying to get over) best mate saw me and was waving at me, but I had no idea as I was thoroughly zombified by the time I got out of that mosh pit...

    I caught up with some friends here and there, but I couldn't take my mind off her... Everything I looked at somehow made me think of her... Where we met, where we went to sit down and talk, going for a stroll with her etc... I dunno... maybe I was just overly emotional that day or something... but it really was wrecking things... It got even more frustrating when I was trying to organise places to meet up with people and it never worked out! My bestie spent most of his time in the Boiler Room (the big dance music arena). I did a few scouts around there, but saw no sign of him amidst the mass of people.

    Also... backtracking a bit... The Day Before (day before the Big Day Out that is)... I was really hoping to catch up with her again... but I was told by numerous people not to call her, and to wait for her to call me... I went into town with a mate, at the same time that girl was in... I was just aching to call her and ask to catch up but mate told me not to... I was aching all day to call her at the Big Day Out too, but everyone told me against it... Just as I get home from the Big Day Out at like midnight, I have a message on my phone from her saying "I didn't see you anywhere, I thought you were going to call me!" and I was just thinking "****... Why did I not call her?!"

    I can't help but feel.. I dunno... I can see why they told me not to call her but what the hell!? That's just wrecked... I could have had an angst-free day if I had just given in and done what I felt was right. I know my brother and the girl who gave me advice weren't trying to steer me in the wrong direction, but I mean what the hell.... I was so cut up about it.

    Ah well... At least I feel like some balance has been restored somewhere. My best mate left me waiting over half an hour for him outside the Boiler Room (dance hall place), he got a bit of lovin, and I let him sleep in my bed; That balances because at the Big Day Out of 2004 I left him waiting for about half an hour for me (without me even knowing), and at last years, well I met that girl, and once he let me stay in his bed and he took the floor. I feel like something's balanced out now.

    *sigh*... Oh well... I didn't think I'd write so much, Well... There's a good chance I'll be re-posting a good portion of this in my online journal.

    Thanks for reading/listening peoples
    Thanks again for all the kindness, all of you seriously rock
     
  17. Sovieto

    Sovieto Banned

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    these arent the dr. phil forums!!!! :mad2:
     
  18. WiiGirl2006

    WiiGirl2006 Butterfly Kisses

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    Sorry to hear things didn't work out as well that you wanted them to, but you did talk to another girl and that is great! Hang in there.:thumbsup:
     
  19. King Wiired

    King Wiired HITLER ME JEZ

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    Once again read every part of it, and I feel for ya. To start, I've also been in situations where people have been talking about something which I'm totally unrelated with, which always gets me down until somethings brought up in which I find easy to blend in. Now onto the girls.

    Pros : You got speaking to another girl - shows a clear sense of confidence (a lot of guys wouldn't even try)

    Cons : As far as I can see, you did nothing what so ever wrong.

    With your friends telling you not to ring her, they were right, and you did the right thing not giving in to temptation. I understand that your feelings for her were tryina take over, but you gotta remember past experiences with this girl, and how that she could easy just take advantage of your feelings again. Though I might be wrong. She could be sitting there right now, thinking 'why didn't he ring me :(' and that she really did wanna speak/see you again, as more then a friend. But to balance that argument, she could also be sitting there right now thinking 'damn, seems like he's got the picture of what I'm doing to him now.' See what I'm saying? It really depends on how you picture this.

    What you planning on doing next? Waiting til she goes to that college (think thats right) near you, ring her or move on? I personally feel that moving on is the best bet. You've proven (to me) that you can go to public places easily, and even get chatting to new people, which I think is exactly what you need to do. Go out as much as you can, and even if it isn't looking for a girlfriend, it's always good to make loads new friends, due to it increasing your self-confidence, and also the chance of them introducing you to new people :)

    Well, thats all I can think of saying right now, good luck with whatever you choose to do (respect to whatever that decision is) and I look forward to any sort of reply :) and I'd be more then happy to try and help in the future :D
     
  20. wii<33333

    wii<33333 Banned

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    go 2 a girl's site about problems love ....
     

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