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post your funniest joke you have:D

Discussion in 'The Entertainment Lounge' started by SD_BIGSHOT, Mar 16, 2011.

  1. SD_BIGSHOT

    SD_BIGSHOT SD sniper team commander

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    post your funniest you have it can any kind from blonde jokes to yo mama jokes just any kid of joke:D have fun:p
     
  2. SD_BIGSHOT

    SD_BIGSHOT SD sniper team commander

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    HAHA PRETTY FUNNY DUDE! but i got one to you rate it. ok threeguys die and there at the gates of heaven God asked the first man "How loyal were you to your wife?" the guy answers "I cheated on her a few times" ok so God gives him a little compact car and drives into Heaven. God asked the second guy the same question and he replies "Only once." So God gives him a good midsize car and the man drives into Heaven. Finally God asked the third man and the guy says "I was very loyal to my wife and never cheated on her" So God gives him a nice luxury car and he goes into Heaven. A few months later the man with the luxury car is sitting in a parking lot sobbing his eyes out and one of his friends asked whats wrong? and he says "Well i was going down the road and i saw my wife riding a bike!!"
     
  3. IDECLAREWAR

    IDECLAREWAR addicted to facebook.

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    hahaha! xD ^
     
  4. SD_BIGSHOT

    SD_BIGSHOT SD sniper team commander

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    HAHA i heard before and jusr remembered it xD
     
  5. matheu00

    matheu00 Ma7hiu5-uk

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    One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor."


    "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer'll tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor."


    So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.


    Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks.


    That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and m*st**bated into the mixture for good measure.


    Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.


    The computer prints the following:


    1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
    2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
    3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
    4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
    5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better.
     
  6. SD_BIGSHOT

    SD_BIGSHOT SD sniper team commander

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    Did you get that joke from Ron White? :lol:
     
  7. matheu00

    matheu00 Ma7hiu5-uk

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    Who?
    And check your email i ain't gay....... :(
     
  8. IDECLAREWAR

    IDECLAREWAR addicted to facebook.

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    who called you that!?...
    its quite rude..
     
  9. matheu00

    matheu00 Ma7hiu5-uk

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    Bigshot didn't call me it directly, but I firmly told him, I ain't interested.....lol

    Anyway...........


    The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two
    finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate. The other
    finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M. The rules of the
    contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute
    or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu". The Duke
    graduate went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he
    jumped up and recited the following poem:

    ------------------------------

    Slowly across the desert sand,
    Trekked the dusty caravan.
    Men on camels, two by two
    Destination-Timbuktu.

    ------------------------------
    The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered, could the redneck top that?!
    The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in
    the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

    ------------------------------

    Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
    Met three girls in a pop-up tent.
    They was three, we was two,
    So I bucked one and Timbuktu.
     
    #9 matheu00, Mar 25, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2011
  10. IDECLAREWAR

    IDECLAREWAR addicted to facebook.

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    heres a joke for ya...
    womens rights. xD
    and bigshots gay?! :yikes:
     
  11. matheu00

    matheu00 Ma7hiu5-uk

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    Sexist....... :(

    This guy walks into a bar with a
    frog on his head.
    The bartender says, "Hey, what's that?"
    To which the frog replies "I don't know. It started as a wart on my bum and
    this happened.
     
  12. IDECLAREWAR

    IDECLAREWAR addicted to facebook.

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    i am very sexist. =3
    heres another...
    chuck norris doesnt breathe...
    he just holds air hostage. xD
     
  13. matheu00

    matheu00 Ma7hiu5-uk

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    Ooooh I got another one....

    Two blondes walk into a bar...............you'd think one of them would have seen it :D
     
  14. SD_BIGSHOT

    SD_BIGSHOT SD sniper team commander

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    wow that was not true
     
    #14 SD_BIGSHOT, Mar 25, 2011
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2011
  15. matheu00

    matheu00 Ma7hiu5-uk

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    Hehehe poor guy.

    A three-foot midget walks into a bar and slips over on a pile of s**t. Minutes later a huge tough guy walks into the bar and slips over on the pile of s**t, the midget says to the big guy,
    "I just did that", and the big guy punches the midgets lights out.
     
  16. IDECLAREWAR

    IDECLAREWAR addicted to facebook.

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    ...i dont get it? xD
     
  17. matheu00

    matheu00 Ma7hiu5-uk

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    Whose...?
    Mine......the big guy misunderstood the midget thinking the midget did the s**t, and smacked him one
     
  18. lazy jack

    lazy jack Loading.....

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    I get it, why does it have to be a midget with 3 feet?
     
  19. SD_BIGSHOT

    SD_BIGSHOT SD sniper team commander

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    the midget didnt have three feet he was that tall in the metric system he was a meter tall lol
     
  20. matheu00

    matheu00 Ma7hiu5-uk

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    Lol either lazy jack is stoopid or Bigshot missed the sarcy comment.

    Haha, j/k
     

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haha pretty funny dude! but i got one to you rate it. ok threeguys die and there at the gates of heaven god asked the fi