I've been working on this for a while. Not really, its been off and on. I was hoping to get some feed back on it, its just the first page or two. Im cleaning it up so it makes more sense as thats one of the problems with it. Im wanting to turn it into a game, ive always wanted to story write for games, but would like to know how this is going first. Its not a fanfic, sorry. Anything that i could improve on or something, love to hear it. Even if it just sucks.