Jokes Thread!! @%$&*#~@


Only took 4 years to get1
May 20, 2006
London, England Rank: i-wii-sistable
Wii Online Code
Okay, I thought i'll start a thread where all you do is post jokes :D make 'em good ones :lol:

I'll start:

A man walks into the doctors....

Doc - "Hello. How can I help you?"

Man - "I've got an orange willy doc."

Doc - "What??"

Man - "My willy - it's turned orange."

Doc - "Umm... I'll have to look that up.... It seems it could be a sign
of stress; do you suffer from stress?

Man - "Not really"

Doc - "What about stress at work?"

- "Well, I did have a nightmare job, a complete idiot for a boss, I
worked 80 hours week for pennies and then I got the sack"

Doc - "That sounds very stressful"

Man - "Yeah, but my new job is great - half the hours, 3 times the
salary and I feel really appreciated"

Doc - "Umm... what about your home life?"

Man - "Well, my girlfriend is a complete cow, she nags non-stop and puts me down every chance she gets"

Doc - "That sounds stressful"

Man - "Yeah, but I'm leaving her and I've never been happier."

Doc - "Umm... what about your social life?"

Man - "Social life? I don't really have one."

Doc - "Really? What do you do in your spare time?"

Man - "I Eat cheesy puffs and watch p o r n"

:lol: :lol:
micheal jackson, george bush, tony blair and four children go on a plane. as their flight goes on, the plane starts to break down, there is only three parachutes so tony micheal and geogre take them
tb: what about the children
gb:screw the children
mj:do we have enough time?
  • Thread Starter
  • Thread starter
  • #7
I'll try to help you

Some racehorses were staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "Out of my last 15 races, I've won 8!" Another horse breaks in, "Well out of my last 27 races, I've won 19!" "Oh that's good, but out of my last 36 races, I've won 28," says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound has been sitting nearby listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but out of MY last 90 races, I've won 88!"
The horses are clearly amazed. "**** me!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog."

(yeh, i kno it sucks)
There was a girl called mary who went to sunday skool. One sunday she fell asleep and her teacher asked her, 'who is the creator of the great earth?'

The boi sitting behind her poked a pin into her and she cried, 'o god!'
den d teacher sed, 'very good mary, dats d correct answa!'

the teacha asked her another question, 'who sacrificed their life to save the sinners of this earth?'

The boy poked the pin in mary again and mary sed 'jesus christ!'
then the teacher goes, 'that is very right!''

The teacher then asked, 'what did eve say to adam after they had their 37th baby?'

then the boy poked the pin into mary again, and mary screams, 'if you poke that thing into me one more time, i'll snap it in half!'
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. 'Why of course,' comes the reply.

The first man then asks: 'Where are you from?'

'I'm from Ireland,' replies the second man.

The first man responds: 'You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland.'

'Of course,' replies the second man.

I'm curious, the first man then asks: 'Where in Ireland are you from?'

'Dublin,' comes the reply.

'I can't believe it,' says the first man. 'I'm from Dublin too! Let's have another drink to Dublin.'

'Of course,' replies the second man.

Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: 'What school did you go to?'

'Saint Mary's,' replies the second man, 'I graduated in '62.'

'This is unbelievable!', the first man says. 'I went to Saint Mary's and I graduated in '62, too!'

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. 'What's been going on?' he asks the bartender.

'Nothing much,' replies the bartender. 'The O'Kinly twins are drunk again.'
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him 'every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?' The man replies, 'I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.'
there are 3 people a doctor,rockstar,and a lawer.the rockstar goes to a hotel and says to the person at the desk "i need a room" and the other person says the only room we have left is haunted.i dont believe in that stuff says the rockstar.then he goes to the room and the ghost comes out saying bloody fiingers bloody finger and the dude jumps out the window and dies.then the lawer comes and the same thing happens to him then the doctor comes and when he goes to the room the ghost comes out saying bloody fingers bloody finges then the doctor does somthing then the ghost says bandade fingers bandade fingers
no offense to blonds out there!!!!!!

theres a man outside on his front porch and his blonde neighbor walks out and checks her mail then slams it and goes back inside.later she does the same thing.later she comes out again and slams the mailbox even harder and the guy asks if anythin is wrong and she says my stupid computer keeps on saying youve got mail