Bar jokes

[K-Dawg333]

A guy walks into a bar and says "Ouch!"

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here."

I guy walks into a bar holding 3 ducks in his hands. He puts them on the barstool and says to the bartender, "Will you watch my ducks? I have to go make a call."
The bartender says it's ok. So the guy exits the bar. The bartender looks at the first duck and says "What's your name?"
The duck responds "My name is Huey and I've been slippin in and out of puddles all day."
"That's great. Hey, what's your name?"
The second duck replies "My name is Dewey and I've been slippin in and out of puddles all day."
"That's wonderful. Let me guess. Your name is Louie and you've been slippin in and out of puddles all day?"
The third duck says "No, my name is Puddles and my day sucked."

 

[WiiSpeak34]

thats a good one

 

[K-Dawg333]

A guy runs into a bar needing to go to the restroom. He looks all over, but can't find one, so he runs upstairs to look for one but is unsuccessful. He finds a room with a hole right in the middle of the floor and says "Screw it". So the guy takes a dump in the hole. He comes back downstairs and notices that everyone is gone except the bartender. He goes over to the bartender and asks "Where'd everybody go?"
The bartender replies "Where were you when the sh*t hit the fan?"

 

[DyHunter]

A guy always thinking to the future, buys his mother-in-law a funeral plot as a Christmas present. It is not received as well as he thought. After the intial shock, she accepts it. After all, its the thought that counts.

A year goes by, and she starts to wonder what she might get this year. All of the gifts are passed and she does not recieve one from the son-in-law. She looks over and asked him what happened. He replies that he didn't think she would want one since she didn't use the one he got her last year.

 

[K-Dawg333]

:lol:

 

[Espmaster_]

A guy walks into a bar and says "Ouch!"

A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here."

I guy walks into a bar holding 3 ducks in his hands. He puts them on the barstool and says to the bartender, "Will you watch my ducks? I have to go make a call."
The bartender says it's ok. So the guy exits the bar. The bartender looks at the first duck and says "What's your name?"
The duck responds "My name is Huey and I've been slippin in and out of puddles all day."
"That's great. Hey, what's your name?"
The second duck replies "My name is Dewey and I've been slippin in and out of puddles all day."
"That's wonderful. Let me guess. Your name is Louie and you've been slippin in and out of puddles all day?"
The third duck says "No, my name is Puddles and my day sucked."

A guy runs into a bar needing to go to the restroom. He looks all over, but can't find one, so he runs upstairs to look for one but is unsuccessful. He finds a room with a hole right in the middle of the floor and says "Screw it". So the guy takes a dump in the hole. He comes back downstairs and notices that everyone is gone except the bartender. He goes over to the bartender and asks "Where'd everybody go?"
The bartender replies "Where were you when the sh*t hit the fan?"

A guy always thinking to the future, buys his mother-in-law a funeral plot as a Christmas present. It is not received as well as he thought. After the intial shock, she accepts it. After all, its the thought that counts.

A year goes by, and she starts to wonder what she might get this year. All of the gifts are passed and she does not recieve one from the son-in-law. She looks over and asked him what happened. He replies that he didn't think she would want one since she didn't use the one he got her last year.

Those are all kinda funny.

 

[Blair D.]

Donald Duck walks into a bar, and goes to the other side of the bar to go smoke. Then a drunk police officer walks over to Donald Duck and says "what're YOU smoking???"
Donald Duck says, "Quack"

Get it?

 

[K-Dawg333]

A guy walks into a bar in the Empire State Building. He sees another guy walk in, order a huge beer, chug it, then jump out the window. 5 minutes later, the same guy floats back in through the window. He repeats this process 2 more times. By this time the first guy has had enough and he walks over to the other guy and asks "Hey, how are doing that?"
The second guy answers "Why, it's simple physics. If you chug a beer fast enough, the warmth from the beer added to the warmth from your body will make you lighter than air. Thus, if you add the current wind velocity, you'll just float in mid-air."
"Wow! I gotta try that!"
So the guy orders a huge beer, chugs it, then jumps out the window and.....SPLAT! He lands on the concrete.
So the bartender looks at the second guy and says "You know what Superman? You're an a**hole when you're drunk."

 

[Espmaster_]

Donald Duck walks into a bar, and goes to the other side of the bar to go smoke. Then a drunk police officer walks over to Donald Duck and says "what're YOU smoking???"
Donald Duck says, "Quack"

Get it?

A guy walks into a bar in the Empire State Building. He sees another guy walk in, order a huge beer, chug it, then jump out the window. 5 minutes later, the same guy floats back in through the window. He repeats this process 2 more times. By this time the first guy has had enough and he walks over to the other guy and asks "Hey, how are doing that?"
The second guy answers "Why, it's simple physics. If you chug a beer fast enough, the warmth from the beer added to the warmth from your body will make you lighter than air. Thus, if you add the current wind velocity, you'll just float in mid-air."
"Wow! I gotta try that!"
So the guy orders a huge beer, chugs it, then jumps out the window and.....SPLAT! He lands on the concrete.
So the bartender looks at the second guy and says "You know what Superman? You're an a**hole when you're drunk."

Lol I don't have any good jokes myself, but those are funny.

 

[K-Dawg333]

A mexican, a rabbi, a jew, a horse, a blonde, and a gay guy all walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says "Is this a joke?"

 

[K-Dawg333]

What has 38 heads, 76 arms, and an I.Q. of 12?


A redneck bar on Friday night.