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Poem Help

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Slimi, Oct 10, 2007.

  1. Slimi

    Slimi im back

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    Hey,

    I need help on making two poems, a 21 line poem about anything you want, and a 31 line poem about rememberence. I don't really know what I should do for the 21 line poem, for the 31 line poem, I need tips, here is what I've written so far, which is 22 lines, 9 more:

    Ethan

    Remembrance Day Poem

    All the helicopters flying by,
    Watching all the people die,

    Every gun will be shot,
    People dying a whole lot,

    Reinforcements will not come,
    Because their lives are already done,

    Assassinations in every corner,
    People shrieking mourns of horror!

    The cannons firing in the air!
    So much pain that no one can bare!

    So much blood flowing down the river,
    It gives everyone a shiver.

    People washed up on the ground,
    They must’ve drowned.

    The animals falling to the Earth,
    Even the ones that just had birth,

    Boats drowning and fish floating,
    The other ships will all be gloating,

    Can’t even manage to do a funeral,
    Or else, they will fall.

    And finally, they drop the bomb.
    Now everyone is all calm.
     
  2. Kiwi

    Kiwi Drug Addicts Unite

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    Dayum, thats actually pretty nice so far. Good job.
     
  3. LeWaffles

    LeWaffles CUSTOM

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    Another Anti War poem, it reminds me of the song "Intervention" by Arcade Fire. It's one of my favorite songs, there are so many references to anti Bush, it's very smart.http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZO7ZWfvCjBE
    The king's taken back the throne
    The useless seed is sown
    When they say they're cutting off the phone
    I'll tell 'em you're not home

    No place to hide
    You were fighting as a soldier on their side
    You're still a soldier in your mind
    Though nothing's on the line

    You say it's money that we need
    As if we're only mouths to feed
    I know no matter what you say
    There are some debts you'll never pay

    Working for the church
    While your family dies
    You take what they give you
    And you keep it inside
    Every spark of friendship and love
    Will die without a home
    Hear the solider groan, "We'll cry alone"

    I can taste the fear
    It's gonna lift me up and take me out of here
    Don't wanna fight, don't wanna die
    Just wanna hear you cry

    Who's gonna throw the very first stone?
    Oh! Who's gonna reset the bone?
    Walking with your head in a sling
    Wanna hear the soldier sing

    Working for the Church
    While my family dies
    Your little baby sister's
    Gonna lose her mind
    Every spark of friendship and love
    Will die without a home
    Hear the soldier groan "We'll go at it alone"

    I can taste your fear
    It's gonna lift you up and take you out of here
    And the bone shall never heal
    I care not if you kneel

    We can't find you now
    But they're gonna get the money back somehow
    And when you finally disappear
    We'll just say you were never here

    Been working for the church
    While your life falls apart.
    Singing hallelujah with the fear in your heart
    Every spark of friendship and love
    Will die without a home
    Hear the soldier groan, "We'll go at it alone"
    Hear the soldier groan, "We'll go at it alone"
    I like the Ending a lot not fond of the line dying a whole lot though. Good though, even though i disagree a bit with the meaning. How about when the bullets disappear, they'll wish they were never here. Meaning when the soldiers leave america wishes that they were never in the war.
     
  4. surfinrach90

    surfinrach90 I GOT A JAR OF DIRT.

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    Can I ask how old you are or like.. what year you're in to do this?
     
  5. Byuakuya

    Byuakuya Bleach & Heroes fan.

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    That does sound very nice. Some lines seem out of place, but overall, it is a great piece of work. Nicely done.
     

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