Poem Help

[Slimi]

Hey,

I need help on making two poems, a 21 line poem about anything you want, and a 31 line poem about rememberence. I don't really know what I should do for the 21 line poem, for the 31 line poem, I need tips, here is what I've written so far, which is 22 lines, 9 more:

Ethan

Remembrance Day Poem

All the helicopters flying by,
Watching all the people die,

Every gun will be shot,
People dying a whole lot,

Reinforcements will not come,
Because their lives are already done,

Assassinations in every corner,
People shrieking mourns of horror!

The cannons firing in the air!
So much pain that no one can bare!

So much blood flowing down the river,
It gives everyone a shiver.

People washed up on the ground,
They must’ve drowned.

The animals falling to the Earth,
Even the ones that just had birth,

Boats drowning and fish floating,
The other ships will all be gloating,

Can’t even manage to do a funeral,
Or else, they will fall.

And finally, they drop the bomb.
Now everyone is all calm.

 

[Kiwi]

Dayum, thats actually pretty nice so far. Good job.

 

[LeWaffles]

Another Anti War poem, it reminds me of the song "Intervention" by Arcade Fire. It's one of my favorite songs, there are so many references to anti Bush, it's very smart.http://youtube.com/watch?v=ZO7ZWfvCjBE

Spoiler

The king's taken back the throne
The useless seed is sown
When they say they're cutting off the phone
I'll tell 'em you're not home

No place to hide
You were fighting as a soldier on their side
You're still a soldier in your mind
Though nothing's on the line

You say it's money that we need
As if we're only mouths to feed
I know no matter what you say
There are some debts you'll never pay

Working for the church
While your family dies
You take what they give you
And you keep it inside
Every spark of friendship and love
Will die without a home
Hear the solider groan, "We'll cry alone"

I can taste the fear
It's gonna lift me up and take me out of here
Don't wanna fight, don't wanna die
Just wanna hear you cry

Who's gonna throw the very first stone?
Oh! Who's gonna reset the bone?
Walking with your head in a sling
Wanna hear the soldier sing

Working for the Church
While my family dies
Your little baby sister's
Gonna lose her mind
Every spark of friendship and love
Will die without a home
Hear the soldier groan "We'll go at it alone"

I can taste your fear
It's gonna lift you up and take you out of here
And the bone shall never heal
I care not if you kneel

We can't find you now
But they're gonna get the money back somehow
And when you finally disappear
We'll just say you were never here

Been working for the church
While your life falls apart.
Singing hallelujah with the fear in your heart
Every spark of friendship and love
Will die without a home
Hear the soldier groan, "We'll go at it alone"
Hear the soldier groan, "We'll go at it alone"

I like the Ending a lot not fond of the line dying a whole lot though. Good though, even though i disagree a bit with the meaning. How about when the bullets disappear, they'll wish they were never here. Meaning when the soldiers leave america wishes that they were never in the war.

 

[surfinrach90]

Can I ask how old you are or like.. what year you're in to do this?

 

[Byuakuya]

That does sound very nice. Some lines seem out of place, but overall, it is a great piece of work. Nicely done.