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The Jokes

Discussion in 'The Entertainment Lounge' started by BluRayPSP, May 17, 2011.

  1. Bodine

    Bodine Sonic expert

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    What's the difference between a chicken sandwich and a dead baby?

    -I don't f*ck the chicken sandwich before I eat it.

    How long does it take for a dead baby to blow up in a microwave?

    -I don't know either, I was too busy masturbating to time it.


    If anyone needs me, I'll be in hell.
     
  2. KRKanon

    KRKanon Roy's our boy!

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    [​IMG]
    Came here to laugh. Dafaq happened?
    ----------------------

    Two peanuts were walking in a park.
    One was wearing a hoodie and bandana.
    The other one was a-salt-ed.

    Damn, that was stupid.
    Okay, how 'bout...

    (I'm sure someone has read it before) The Boy In The Closet:
    A woman takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
    One day, her 9-year-old son hides in the closet during one of her acts. Her husband comes home unexpectedly, so she hides her lover in the closet.

    the Boy says, "Dark in here."
    Man - "Yes, it is."
    Boy - "I have a baseball."
    Man - "That's nice."
    Boy - "Want to buy it? My dad's outside."
    Man - "How much?"
    Boy - "$250."
    Man - "Fine."

    One week later it happens again, the boy and the mom's lover end up in the closet together.

    Boy - "Dark in here. I have a baseball glove."
    Man - Remembering last time, reluctantly asks, "How much?"
    Boy - "$750."
    Man - "Deal."

    A few days later...

    the Dad says to the Boy, "Let's play catch, go get your baseball and glove."
    Boy - "I can't. I sold them."
    Dad - "How much did you sell them for?"
    Boy - "$1,000."
    Dad - "That's way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."

    They go to the church and the father makes the boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.

    Boy - "Dark in here."
    Priest - "Don't start that crap again, you're in my closet now."
     
  3. Bodine

    Bodine Sonic expert

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    You're witnessing the way the Army life has deteriorated my innocence completely.
     
  4. KRKanon

    KRKanon Roy's our boy!

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    I don't know how to respond to that. That's sad, actually.
     
  5. Bodine

    Bodine Sonic expert

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    *bah-dum-tish!*
     
  6. Splash_King

    Splash_King The Scrubbiest of Hunters

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    Terrible things.
     
  7. KRKanon

    KRKanon Roy's our boy!

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    It got dark real fast.
    --------------------

    Anyone heard of Mitch Hedberg? Honestly one of my favorite comedians even though he's been dead since 2005. Jokes about the mundane things in life, some drugs, little about sex, rarely about violence.

    One of his, I believe, only 3 cds (of which I have all of them):
    [video=youtube;T0MFg0tsjrE]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T0MFg0tsjrE"][/video]
    The King of One-Liners. RIP.
     
  8. Bodine

    Bodine Sonic expert

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    I miss ol Mitch. My favorite joke of his was the "13th floor." Lol
     
  9. Splash_King

    Splash_King The Scrubbiest of Hunters

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    Ah yes, Mitch... the glitchmod who was forever in my shadow regarding popularity, modsmanship, and even looks. Yep. He was my greatest fan.

    if he suddenly appeared and retorted to this id lmfao
     
  10. DG~X

    DG~X Dont read this.

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    How do you stop a baby from crawling in circles?

    Nail it's other hand to the floor.
     
  11. KRKanon

    KRKanon Roy's our boy!

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    Jesus Christ, what the hell?
    -------------------

    Two little snippits from "Ouch!" by Pablo Francisco:
    Very good at imitations
    [video=youtube;FukghSV6Ct8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FukghSV6Ct8[/video]

    A little Mexican humor
    [video=youtube;o_F2xwlrT_8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_F2xwlrT_8[/video]
     
  12. BluRayPSP

    BluRayPSP TF2 Best Characters

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    How Do I delete all these Ridiculous Posts? Huh, huh? Button, Switch anywhere?
     
  13. Bodine

    Bodine Sonic expert

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    Rhetorical question joke here.

    What's worse, 10 babies nailed to a tree, or a baby nailed to 10 trees?
     
  14. DG~X

    DG~X Dont read this.

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    How do you fit 100 babies into a bucket?
    With a blender.

    How do you get them out?
    With tortilla chips
     

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