Family Matters

[ottoman]

Sometimes when I'm around a certain person in my family, I feel hatred, annoyance, and disgust overwhelm me. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to puke and just hearing that person come into the room or wake-up makes me automatically depressed and upset. Hearing that person's voice makes me cringe and I feel as if I want to sew their mouth shut for eternity - Looking at them makes me sick to my stomach...

...but then once this person comes around again, an uncontrollable hatred fills me. It's like I'm under some sort of curse. When I'm free of being around them, I'm the happiest person in the world - but once this person is near me, I go and hide somewhere alone and try to drown out the noise of them...



...Does this make me a bad person? Does anyone else experience this?

That is really chilling...i mean thats something you would see on the back of a horror movie case. im sorry but i think that unless your family has done something terrible to deserve it, your in the wrong.

P.s: this isnt meant to sound mean, but i just looked throuh and it could be interpreted that way. it wasnt supposed to be lol, its just my genral thought.

 

[~Marisa~]

What sort of a sick-minded creep is this guy?? I mean, it's different if someone doesn't know they're hurting you, because they usually cease and desist upon better knowledge. But doing something with the intent of hurting like that is just disgusting. To answer your question, no I don't believe it makes you a bad person. If you were a bad person, you would be nowhere near as sweet, caring, compassionate and comforting to so many of us as you have been, so I can pretty securely say you're not a bad person at all

Reading your initial post was very intriguing, because I have a friend who felt very similarly towards one of her older family members as you do. She hated him so much she smiled as she watched him die in hospital of lung cancer. I believe your feelings of hatred are justified somehow. As human beings, we aren't inherintly hateful, or even "bad" people, so obviously this guy has really done many things bad to you, and that's something no-one deserves to have done to them as we all have the right to live peacefully and happily (I read a quote of yours about being free to live in happiness as long as that happiness doesn't interfere with another beings state of happiness, it seems fairly relevant here).

Then again, if this is how he gets his kicks, he isn't going to get very far in life, as people like him obviously lack the sensitivity and compassion which, beng part of basic human decency means he can't have many friends, girls won't be too interested in him, and he's probably so unhappy and miserable he needs someone to take all his anxiety out on. You're better than that. Hopefully he should grow out of it, and care about you as he should. I know those mind games are tough to break through, but if you can gather your strength and stand against him, it'll deal a major blow to his ego and his standing.

I remember back when I was a kid my older brother was horrible to me... Could probably be classified as torture at times.. I was pretty much his punching bag. He had a hard time in highschool, he was a lousy student, never did enough work, he was getting into drugs, gangs, and everything else at a young age, and he took all his anger out on me.. Once he threatened to kill me with a machete in my sleep because I didn't want him to something he was going to do (I think he and his friends were planning to do a break and enter or something). I couldn't sleep for nights after that. That's something I don't think I'll ever forgive him for.

Things are different now, he managed to clean himself up, get a job and get back into education, and now he's a respectable Computer Security Engineer at CSC - Computer Sciences Corporation. Still, such an experience was so traumatic and scarring I'll never forget it or forgive him for it.

I'm not sure how much this has helped you, but I hope something made you feel a bit better.

There's one thing to remember - Karma never fails. His bad deeds will not go without their retribution, and your good deeds will not go unnoticed.

Don't ever doubt your good nature; you're a unique and beautiful person, no one can ever take that away from you.

Yes, that actually did make me feel tons better. It's not my brother that does it, it's my father. It's hard for me to feel those emotions because I try to love everyone as much as I can. I mean, since I was 7 my life's goal has been to join the Peace Corp through college, get my M.D. so I can be an E.R. doctor and then move to Africa to help the less fortunate. Growing up, I was constantly told I couldn't achieve my dreams. I love the African culture so I owned tons of African dolls and barbies as a child. To spite me, when I came home from school, my dad would hang the dolls off the stair case railing with a rope around it's neck or shoot my barbie's faces off. I'd cry for days.


And to answer someone else's question - I'm 19 and moving out with my sister in a few months. I already moved out once when I was 17 but had to move back because my sister went through a mental break-down >.< (Crap, I just spilt Dr.Pepper ALLLL over my keyboard lol) Anyways...I feel like a complainer and one of those people that "won't let the past go" but I just can't help but feel that way when I'm around him. I try with all my heart to fight against feeling bitter but it's like it almost comes as second instinct.

I mean, my brother and I were always close growing up and my father knew that...so if I did something to upset my dad he'd force my brother to stab me in the stomach or knee with a pencil and if my brother didn't, he'd get whipped with the belt. I always told my brother to do it, though because I'd rather get hurt than him. - It's memories like that which come flooding back to me when I'm near my father. I guess things just never got settled because I've heard my parents talking in secrecy before and I've heard my dad say he doesn't think he was all that bad and that we all blow it out of proportion.


I guess the best thing for me to do is move out - Live my life, love my boyfriend, become a doctor and raise my children as I never got to get raised. I honestly don't know if I want my dad to have a part in my future-family, though.

 

[Sovieto]

Sometimes when I'm around a certain person in my family, I feel hatred, annoyance, and disgust overwhelm me. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to puke and just hearing that person come into the room or wake-up makes me automatically depressed and upset. Hearing that person's voice makes me cringe and I feel as if I want to sew their mouth shut for eternity - Looking at them makes me sick to my stomach.


At other times when I have peace away from them, I tell myself not to become consumed by hatred - that no matter how much I can't stand them, to have a positive outlook on it because I'm an extremely peaceful, forgiving and I'm very full of love; but then once this person comes around again, an uncontrollable hatred fills me. It's like I'm under some sort of curse. When I'm free of being around them, I'm the happiest person in the world - but once this person is near me, I go and hide somewhere alone and try to drown out the noise of them...



Does this make me a bad person? Does anyone else experience this?

i feel the same way too, id rather not be around my family than be

p.s. dont let your father be part of your future family, he dosent deserve to be

 

[Minto]

i would just boot him in the balls

 

[freakpizzaboy]

i would just boot him in the balls

orly?



stfu


AND GTFO u immature piece of fecies

 

[bubba-ga-nush]

My family is so fricken unfair, and i just despise them. :shifty: For example I was staying at my sisters (she's 22)today for a while. My dad was supposed to come pick me up but instead he decided to go to the bar. So I had to get my mom to pick me up after her work. When I went home i fed calfs which takes about half an hour all by myself. When i get inside I always get a really bad vibe. I would be having the best day of my life but as soon as I walk into my house i get really mad and greeted like this."Guess what you get to do clean your calfs pen of all the poop and guess what were doing tomorrow...cleaning the house!"

My dad and my brother was SUPPOSED to make me supper but of course they never so I had to make pizza in the last seconds. Being really mad by now they decide their gonna have some. I was furious. Now I had to bring in wood but it was my bro's turn to go outside too fill up the wood thing and i just bring it in. But him being the prick he is. He decided he didnt want too and my mom not doing anything about it. I get so furious so I go out in the freezing cold. (I live in canada). Fill it up even though I made him supper which I do A LOT! So I storm downstairs and now i only have time to post this before i have to sleep. Got school tomorrow.

 

[A RAND0M TAC0]

Does this make me a bad person? Does anyone else experience this?

no, it makes you bi-polar and in need of a mood stabilizer

 

[kissoff182]

No, it doesn't make you a bad person; it makes you human. Society has taught us that hate is bad, no matter what someone does to you. There's no excuse for hate for some stupid reason, so even if a girl maliciously tortured me, it would be bad for me to hate her. That's just hate... As for disliking a family member, so ****ing what? If that family member is a pain in the ass, there's a reason you have feelings of dislike. It's not that big of a deal and I think rather than forcing yourself to like that person, you should just come to terms with it and accept that this person is who he/she is and realize that you may never grow to like him/her.

 

[Ezekiel86]

Yes, that actually did make me feel tons better. It's not my brother that does it, it's my father. It's hard for me to feel those emotions because I try to love everyone as much as I can. I mean, since I was 7 my life's goal has been to join the Peace Corp through college, get my M.D. so I can be an E.R. doctor and then move to Africa to help the less fortunate. Growing up, I was constantly told I couldn't achieve my dreams. I love the African culture so I owned tons of African dolls and barbies as a child.

That's a beautiful dream to have, to devote your life to helping others is worthy of sainthood. You seem very focused on your goal, you're working hard at it and it's certainly achievable for you.

To spite me, when I came home from school, my dad would hang the dolls off the stair case railing with a rope around it's neck or shoot my barbie's faces off. I'd cry for days.

Reading those words makes me nauseous, that's absolutely disgusting. Nothing can justify behavior like that. I can't think of anything more malicious or disgraceful to do to a child... I'm so sorry you had to go through it *hugs for you*

And to answer someone else's question - I'm 19 and moving out with my sister in a few months. I already moved out once when I was 17 but had to move back because my sister went through a mental break-down >.< (Crap, I just spilt Dr.Pepper ALLLL over my keyboard lol) Anyways...I feel like a complainer and one of those people that "won't let the past go" but I just can't help but feel that way when I'm around him. I try with all my heart to fight against feeling bitter but it's like it almost comes as second instinct.

It's only human to feel this way, I would not call you a complainer; complainers are those who feel bitter/complain about little things that don't bother most people. When it's something that traumatic, then it's a whole nother matter. It's difficult to deal with issues like that, and the fact you focus on your goals with such dedication shows you're a strong person, with a strong will to help others.

What you must remember is you are not a machine, you're a human being. Machines can switch on and off, and do not have feelings. Humans do not operate that simply, we are living, breathing, thinking creatures with a heart and soul. It is my belief that we never really forget anything, things may pass from our concious thought, but everything we have experienced is stored in some deep, primarily inaccessible recesses of our brains.

I mean, my brother and I were always close growing up and my father knew that...so if I did something to upset my dad he'd force my brother to stab me in the stomach or knee with a pencil and if my brother didn't, he'd get whipped with the belt. I always told my brother to do it, though because I'd rather get hurt than him. - It's memories like that which come flooding back to me when I'm near my father. I guess things just never got settled because I've heard my parents talking in secrecy before and I've heard my dad say he doesn't think he was all that bad and that we all blow it out of proportion.


I guess the best thing for me to do is move out - Live my life, love my boyfriend, become a doctor and raise my children as I never got to get raised. I honestly don't know if I want my dad to have a part in my future-family, though.

What is with your dad?! It sounds like he's got some lifelong vendetta against you for no logical reason... Is there any reasonable explaination as to why he's doing this or is he just trying to push you as hard as he can? I have never heard of any parent doing anything like that before... What's wrong with him?!

I've taken a few different stands through this post, but I'm hoping it makes some kind of sense

 

[spudman]

ok you sound a tiny bit like me to a certain extent lol i dont want to kill or sew their mouth shut..... the reason your relatives wind you up is becasue theyre intimately close to you and its hard to cope with that from someone that society expects you to 'love' this however is not capable for all of us we are humans not everybody likes everybody. eventually whatever the problem is it should sort itself out i.e. your relative laying off you or in my case growing up my sister was so immature anyway just hitting a wall seems to take away all stress :lol: i wouldnt try pillows or anything theres to much give in them it actually makes you more mad for failing at trying to calm down LOL


and no your not a bad person YOU CANT GET ALONG WITH EVERYBODY (hitler for example wasn't fond of jewish people, or retarded people or people with brown eyes, or borwn hair, or not very tall people, ironicly he was small, fat had brown hair and brown eyes...)